Lindsay Lohan Reality TV Show Will Be Everything You Ever Expected

Lindsay Lohan OWN TrailerLindsay Lohan should have gotten herself on a reality show about 6 years ago, during the peak of her being a hot mess.  She still had friends, some fame left, and there was still the potential for her to maybe get her shit together.  It would have been a ratings smash.

Instead, she kept holding off because she was a “serious” actress (who kept proving it by keeping her nose in bags of blow instead of scripts).  But she’s finally given in, probably because she is too broke to say no anymore, and her show is ready to air on the OWN Network.  And judging by the trailer that was released for it, it’s going to be as self serving and predictable as you’d expect.

First off, who really even watches anything on the OWN network?  I mean, really.  People used to schedule their lives based on Oprah Winfrey’s talk show, and now I couldn’t tell you the names of more than like 2 shows on her channel (and the only shows I know are Dr Phil and Oprah herself).   Half the time, I mix it up with Lifetime (and don’t act like you don’t too).

So it kind of makes you wonder why Lindsay Lohan chose to finally stoop low enough for a reality show for a channel that isn’t exactly bustling with viewership.   I mean, if Lohan really wanted people to watch her shit, she’d have gone for the channels that kind of own the whole obnoxious reality television market.  TLC with their Honey Boo Boo.  MTV with their Snooki shit. Bravo and their Talentless Wives From Who Cares.   But instead, she sticks with the big O, which kind of makes you wonder if she is actually trying to do the seemingly impossible- be a part of a classy reality TV comeback.

The trailer does have some nuggets of gold that I hope are only the beginning.  She fights with her dad because he doesn’t see that he is a terrible fucking father.  She fights with Oprah’s staff because work is HARD for Lohan.  These aren’t that shocking or unexpected, you expect Lohan to fight with anyone that isn’t a bottle of Grey Goose or a packet of gutter glitter.  She doesn’t fight with Oprah though.  O reaches deep into her bitch bag and at one point tells Lohan to “cut the bullshit” to which Lindsay had no response.  Lindsay is dumb, but bitch isn’t that dumb.

The best part of the whole shebang though is when someone asks Lindsay’s sober coach if she is sober.  Dude stutters worse than Porky Pig reciting a sonnet.  He barely is able to squeak out a response, and when he does all he can say is “umm.”  Three cheers for Lohan, because it’s obvious bitch is still guzzling vodka like it’s 2006 and she has a career left.  God I hope this ends up being the train wreck it has the potential to be.

For the record, I tried to link the trailer video here but that shit has been taken down everywhere.  If the sober coach scene goes missing, then we know this is all Dina’s fault.

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