Lindsay Lohan Plays With Your Blood

As great as community service is, we can't imagine a more unsettling sight than lying back to give blood and seeing Lindsay Lohan hovering over you like some sort of skinny vampire.

But for a handful of lucky Los Angeles blood-donors, that's exactly what they'll see. Now that she's finally out of rehab following her DUI arrests, Lindsay Lohan is now accepting her punishment - 10 days working at an American Red Cross blood services facility. Yesterday Lindsay Lohan worked a seven-hour shift at an LA blood bank, and is expected to do the same again today. Working her community service at the blood bank is thought to be the closest that Lindsay Lohan has ever come to giving blood, because even after rehab the residual amount of booze left in her system would probably be enough to curdle a normal human's heart if it was ever used in a transfusion.

Community service works wonders on celebrities because it puts them back in touch with real-life, teaches them the value of hard work and, in Boy George's case at least, offers a small window that can't be spent chaining up male prostitutes to his wall. And Lindsay Lohan's community service is more suitable that most.

As her wild 2007 draws to a close - one that involved, rehab, a DUI arrest, rehab, another DUI arrest, rehab again and two movies that honestly couldn't have been worse if they co-starred Geri Halliwell as Lindsay Lohan's wacky older sister - Lindsay Lohan now has to face up to what she's done. Although technically Lindsay Lohan was sentenced to four days in jail after her second DUI arrest - the one that she cleverly preempted by shouting "I can't get in trouble. I'm a celebrity. I can do whatever the fuck I want." - she managed to get it reduced to two so long as she carried out ten days of community service.

Sadly, Lindsay Lohan had to take the community service in Los Angeles and not her recent home of Utah, where she could have provided invaluable support scaring the locals with fire after dark. And that's why Lindsay Lohan spent most of yesterday working at an American Red Cross blood services facility in a Los Angeles suburb, turning up at noon and leaving at 7pm with a book entitled Blood under her arm, a strange red smear across her face and a new-found irrational fear of garlic and crucifixes.

Sending Lindsay Lohan to a blood bank for her community service was always going to be the most sensible option for her. Not only will she be able to repay her debt to a community still scared of setting foot outside in case a scrawny drunk nitwit careers her car into one of their shrubs, but it's also Lindsay Lohan's chance to help replenish the blood stocks she gobbled up when she gashed her leg on Bryan Adams' teapot or any of the other times she's managed to clumsily injure herself on objects that even toddlers would generally assume to be safe.

Not only that, but all this exposure to blood will help Lindsay Lohan immeasurably if she ever either decides to make a film about blood or get a part-time job mopping up the blood after illegal redneck cockfights when she realises that nobody wants to go and see her in films any more. So probably the latter.