Lindsay Lohan Lock Up More Richie Than Hilton
hecklerspray learns from its mistakes almost on a daily basis. For instance, that time we helped Myanmar violently suppress bald, orange protesters, we learned the rubber bullets are in the left pouch, the shiny ones are in the right. Imagine our embarrassment. We should have known which side to grab for ahead of time, but our belt looked backward in the mirror. We see ourselves in the mirror lots when we dress in riot gear – especially when the light is hitting us just so…
But next time we have to use non-lethal tactics on peaceful religious people, we'll definitely reach for the right ammo – because we learned from our mistakes. It took the flesh wounds of like 3 Burmese teenagers and upwards of 60 exploded cats, but still, we learned from that mistake.
As we should. Lindsay Lohan learns from her mistakes too. The lesson she picked up most recently is that booze-riddled driving = 84 minutes in jail. She learned that because that's exactly how much time she just got done serving for her past vehicular transgressions.
Lindsay Lohan is just like the mustachioed hero on My Name Is Earl. Thus far her life has been riddled with mistakes, but now she's going around trying to make things right. We assume it has something to do with the step 9 her rehab may or may not be making her endure, but we're not entirely sure about that.
While on this fix-it crusade she'll probably apologize to that VW Bug for making it star opposite her in The Parent Trap, she may admit to Paris Hilton's greasy fat friend that she doesn't actually know what a fire-crotch is, and she'll likely plead with William H Macy not to bash her teeth in.
Also, she's making amends with the Los Angeles legal system, and she's doing so by turning herself in to be properly incarcerated. The officers available promptly honored her atoning wish, and locked her up. For 84 minutes – 2 full minutes longer than Nicole Richie. According to Breitbart:
"Lindsay Lohan was a jailbird for just 84 minutes Thursday, becoming the latest celebrity to serve less than a day for a drunken driving offense. Lohan, 21, turned herself in to the Los Angeles County women's detention center in Lynwood at 10:30 a.m. She was searched, fingerprinted and placed in a holding cell in the inmate reception area but got to keep her street clothes, sheriff's spokesman Steve Whitmore said."
Lohan got so lucky – 84 minutes is like a walk in the park. We know beacause once we watched Oz and Prison Break both on the same night. Once, a long time ago, we turned ourselves in and the Chinese police were all 'You intentionally spread the hantavirus' this, and 'how many of these lead paint recipes have you sold to us' that, and long story short, they were soooo uncool. They even almost locked us up. We kind of wish they had – maybe then we would have become Batman.
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