You have to hand it to Lindsay Lohan, it must take a lot of effort to be as ridiculous as she is. Hours after she told Oprah Winfrey that she hates her party-girl reputation, Lindsay Lohan crashed her car after leaving a nightclub.
According to reports, Lindsay Lohan was apparently bumped by a paparazzo early on Tuesday morning in LA. To make matters worse, this isn't the first car crash that Lindsay Lohan has been involved in – in fact this is the fourth car crash that Lindsay Lohan has found herself a part of, with some reports suggesting that Lindsay Lohan is now worried that she'll end up like Princess Diana. To be fair, she does already have the bulimia and the constant complaining parts down quite well already.
Fans of Lindsay Lohan movies – and we're told these people do exist – may have been under the impression that Lindsay is something of a whizz behind the wheel of a car. After all, she did manage to defy every known law of physics by winning a race against some Nascar racers by driving a Volkswagen Beetle sideways all around the side wall once. And then tell the car off for perving over another car. OK, this is a bad example.
Anyway, in real life Lindsay Lohan isn't nearly as proficient at driving a car because she keeps crashing the bloody things all the time. Sure, anyone from Shannen Doherty to the kid from The Sixth Sense can crash their car – but Lindsay Lohan just does it with such crushing regularity that it's actually sort of depressing. According to Sky:
Lindsay, 20, was bumped into by a paparazzo in Los Angeles at roughly 2am on Tuesday morning. The accident occurred as the actress was attempting to avoid the lens of the photographer, after a night out with friends at the celebrity nightspot Hyde.
Prior to this, though, Lindsay Lohan had already been in plenty of other car crashes, like the time she was sued in August 2004 for apparently rear-ending a car, or the time a paparazzo bumped into her in May 2005, or the time she crashed into a van and then hid in an antiques store and blamed the paparazzi in October 2005 before the police said the paparazzi weren't involved. Luckily, though, this time Lindsay Lohan made it through the crash unscathed, as slave Leslie Sloane Zelnick says:
"She was rear-ended by a paparazzo. She's fine."
So we can take this to mean that Lindsay Lohan was in a really really tiny crash, because – judging by Lindsay Lohan's medical history – even a moderate-sized crash would have exploded Lindsay Lohan's bones into ashes and set her eyeballs on fire. Lindsay Lohan, remember, is a girl who gets dehydrated on movie sets, gets asthma attacks from being in Florida, somehow gashes her leg open on Bryan Adams' teacup and snaps her wrist like most people snap breadsticks. A car crash should have finished her off.
The nightclub car crash couldn't have come at a worse time for Lindsay Lohan either – just hours after she told Oprah Winfrey that she hates her bulimic, McFly-boinking, lesbian poledance, party-girl reputation. Still, at least all this car-smashing action means that Lindsay Lohan doesn't need to take a gun to Iraq any more – she'd easily do much more damage if the only weapon she went with was a battered old Vauxhall Nova.