Lindsay Lohan: Grand Theft Edition

God bless child actors who grow-up. Badly. Lindsay Lohan is fast becoming the greatest hecklerspray pin-up who ever lived thanks to her mixture of pure, undiluted trash and her complete inability to stay out of trouble.

So, after being a drunk, druggy wreck, she went to rehab and got accused of lamping someone who worked there and now, when the dust was finally settling, she’s looked like she was sailing dangerously close to boring, tepid waters.

And hurray! LiLo got accused of becoming a jewel thief! At least that’s what the Los Angeles District Attorney’s Office are saying as they’ve just officially accused her of making off with a “one-of-a-kind” gold necklace.

And now, Lohan is about to renew her season-ticket for the police station as she surrenders herself tomorrow at L.A.’s Airport Courthouse, where she’ll get tutted at and finger wagged while they drawl ‘looks like you might actually get to go to prison now, darlin’. Three years in the slammer if you’re not careful. MWHAHAHA.’

That said, Lohan will be all kinds of confused as sources close to her reckon that she was under the impression that the necklace in question was on a loan.

Her lawyer – the busiest man in Hollywood – issued a statement:

“We vehemently deny these allegations. If charges are filed, we will fight them in court, not in the press.”

Boooooo! Fight them in the press! Go on! All your other business has been conducted via divs like us, so why break this beautiful bond?

Lindsay hasn’t just (allegedly) stolen a necklace. The pilfered items people are muttering about, aside from the $400,000 necklace taken from an Elle Magazine photo shoot include a $12,000 mink coat pinched from a nightclub and a $35,000 Rolex.

Leelilololalalooloo is a busy gal. This charge comes a matter of hours after Lohan did the rounds with her probation officer for her drink-driving case. She’ll be thrilled to learn that Danette Meyers, the prosecutor in that case, is going to be handling the necklace case. She must really love and hate Lohan.

And what do her family think about Lindsay going to prison, where she’ll end up doing weights with Mexican drug dealers in the scorching sun while getting tattoos of cobwebs on her face?

A source says

“No one [in the family] really thinks she’s going to get charged. They believe she didn’t steal the necklace. They think it’s a non-case.”

Uh-oh. At least there’s some positive rumours floating around. Apparently, Lohan is under the impression that she’s in with a shout for a “major character” in Zack Snyder’s Superman rehash.

Hopefully, she’ll be playing that woman who gets sucked into a computer from Superman III.

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