These are testing times for Lindsay Lohan. Her acting career is kaput. Her fashion career was stillborn.
She looks about 50. So Lindsay Lohan has little choice but to turn to the thing she’s best at – breaking the law. Lindsay Lohan has been ordered to court today, reportedly because she’s violated the terms of her alcohol education order. There’s a chance she’ll even wind up in jail, too.
It’s just Lindsay Lohan’s rotten luck, isn’t it? A few months ago she’d have jumped at the chance to spend a few months trapped in a room with a bunch of mannish criminals. Oh casual lesbianism, why must you be so faddish?
Not so long ago, we were starting to get afraid that Lindsay Lohan was getting a bit dull. Maybe it was because she was undergoing an alcohol education course and had found herself a long-term partner, or maybe our brain had just blocked her out like it starts to do if you hang around a particularly noxious guff for too long, but it’s clear that new Lindsay Lohan wasn’t a patch on old Lindsay Lohan.
You remember old Lindsay Lohan. She’s the one who’d crash her car into a shrub or get loaded on cocaine and commandeer vehicles with the rallying cry of “I can’t get in trouble. I’m a celebrity. I can do whatever the fuck I want.” You remember. She was excellent.
And, excellently, she appears to be back. Lindsay Lohan has been ordered to appear at Beverly Hills Superior Court today, with some reports suggesting that it has something to do with a violation of the same alcohol education course she was placed on after her last bout of DUI arrests. ABC News reports:
Lohan, 23, risks being sent to jail if she is found to have broken her probation or other orders imposed as part of her sentence. Beverly Hills Superior Court judge Marsha Revel told Lohan to attend Friday’s normally routine hearing in person, court officials said. Celebrity web site TMZ.com said officials running the alcohol education program had expressed concern about Lohan to the court.
Now, OK, it’s not a great surprise that someone as troubled as Lindsay Lohan might have fallen off the wagon a little bit. But sending her to jail? Really? That sounds a touch harsh. Lindsay Lohan has a problem and, rather than punish her for it, she should be given help. And when we say help, we mean booze. Lindsay Lohan should be given booze. At least that way we’ll have fun stuff to write about again.
And also, throwing celebrities into jail for DUI-based probation violations is so 2007. And we’ve seen Lindsay Lohan’s fashion collection, so we know that her style is definitely not 2007. It’s more 1993, round the back of Quality Seconds, in the bin. So treat her like that, please.
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j mm says
She sure is busy for someone whose career is supposedly kaput.
none says
Have you seen this?
http://www.tylershields.com/images/lindsay-lohan/free-lohan.jpg