Lindsay Lohan is a really big fan of stupid ass lawsuits. She may be a hot mess who looks like a ragged 40 year old meth face, but don’t you dare say that about her. Or at least, you can’t if you might be earning a few pennies by saying it. Lohan doesn’t care if nobodies mock her (for example, moi), but if you’re a multiplatinum rapper, a digitally altered talking baby, or a video game tycoon, then suddenly that shit is not okay.
Lohan is either back on some Absinthe shit, or her mother has blown all of Lindsay’s money on her DWI lawyer, because she is trying to sue the makers of Grand Theft Auto for stealing her image for one of its characters.
And surprisingly, it’s not one of the hookers.Lindsay Lohan is a gold mine of shit to make fun of. She is also a mixture of money and fame obsessed, so when the opportunity arises to quench both thirsts, chick is all about it. Hence her multiple lawsuits against people with deep pockets.
There was the lawsuit against the E-Trade for using the name Lindsay in a commercial where they referenced another baby, saying she was a “milkaholic” other woman (infant?). Cause you know, the name Lindsay is like Beyoncé or Madonna, and therefore anytime used it MUST be about Lohan. Now, if they had said “coke snorting Adderall popping train wreck” I would totally agree. Somehow, the bitch won some cash in that, which is mind blowing. Obviously, the judge was a big fan of “Freaky Friday.”
Then there was the time Lindsay decided to try and sue rapper Pitbull for using her name in a line of his way overplayed song “Give Me Everything.”
“So, I’m toptoein’, to keep flowin’, I got it locked up, like Lindsay Lohan.”
Again, the line was nothing, but Lohan tried to cry NOT NICE and say it was an “unwarranted, unauthorized, and unfavorable mention of [her] name and personality, and allusions to [her] physical and mental character.” Uh, no. Lindsay driving drunk and stealing shit like the ginger version of Winona Ryder makes her character unfavorable. This time at least the judge wasn’t drinking the Kool-Aid and not only shut Lohan down, but rubbed a little salt in her track mark wounds by bringing up the fact that she was barely mentioned in the song to begin with.
Now, it seems Lohan is back for a third round to try and make a little extra cash by whining about other people making money off of her. In the new Grand Theft Auto V game, the cover features a hot chick in a bikini, holding up a cellphone and giving a peace sign. Which, you know, sounds like about 75% of all chicks under the age of 25 in California. But of course, Lindsay just knows this is her. Except I can see one big ass problem with this deduction.
Bitch does not resemble a melting Oompa Loompa. Google any pictures of Lohan in a bathing suit and you can see her streaky pumpkin ass. Also, this chick lacks Lohan’s trademark booze bloat as of the last few years.
Apparently in the game itself, the character asks the player to drive them home and run from the paparazzi (again, atypical of most celebrities) and another mission where the goal is to take a picture of the character having sex inside a hotel (which thank GOD, Lohan has not had a sex tape/photographs leaked anywhere). So, really, nothing super specific to Lindsay herself.
There is no “steal clothes from photo shoot” or “pop Adderall while drinking vodka in a Kombucha bottle” mission. There isn’t a creepy father figure selling stories of the character for money for sheer tank tops or a mother doing lines of coke off her daughter’s rehab paperwork. Now these kinds of references, I could totally jump on the “this is about Lohan” train.
I think Lindsay has a problem with money burning a hole in her pocket. Before, she was blowing all of her acting money on drugs and booze. Now that she is “sober” (it’s okay, I laughed out loud too) she is choosing instead to throw money down the drain and into her lawyer’s pocketbook. Glad to see sobriety has improved her decision making skills. Thumbs up girl, you go waste that tax payer money.
Judge Judy would have none of this shit. Just saying.