If a number of items described as ‘tatty’, ‘mangy’ and ‘reeking of cigarettes’ start appearing on eBay, you know why.
It’s because Lindsay Lohan has been robbed. According to reports, Lindsay Lohan is shaken following an apparent burglary at her home this weekend. We know – Lindsay Lohan’s apparently got stuff worth stealing. Who’d have guessed?
Although Lindsay wasn’t at home at the time, the thieves broke into her safe, swiping bags, clothes and jewellery in the process. Also reported stolen was Lindsay Lohan’s dignity, but that might just be an insurance fiddle – because, honestly, that thing’s been missing for years.
Do you like collecting boxes of unsold I Know Who Killed Me DVDs? Do you have a rampant phobia of underwear? Are you under the mistaken illusion that Lindsay Lohan is a successful actress and therefore has millions of dollars worth of stuff? You do? Then, admit it, you broke into Lindsay Lohan’s house this weekend, didn’t you?
Because someone sure did. Early on Sunday morning, while Lindsay Lohan was in New York – presumably shouting at somebody or trailing around listlessly after a man-faced lesbian – her home in the Hollywood hills was reportedly broken into, with thieves stealing… actually, you know what? Let’s let Lindsay’s mother Dina Lohan explain what happened, because we heard that if you don’t give her enough attention then she shrivels up and dies, and we’re feeling charitable. Dina Lohan told People:
“It’s true. The safe was ripped out of the wall, and the door was off the hinges and door handles removed. Bags, shoes and jewelry were taken too. Thank God she wasn’t home… Ali and Linds just left me in New York, and left people in charge to pack, as we are moving her to a safer place. She is okay, but upset.”
Dina Lohan would have said more, but she was in a hurry to get to the offices of E! to pitch a new Dog The Bounty Hunter-style reality TV show about her quest to catch Lindsay’s robbers. It won’t be exactly the same as Dog The Bounty Hunter, though – instead of bear mace, she’ll render suspects helpless with the sound of her own grating, awful, two-cruiseships-scraping-against-each-other-in-an-infinite-echo-chamber voice, which is obviously worse.
But whoever was responsible for Lindsay Lohan’s burglary, it’s safe to say that Lindsay could probably use a little extra security. It’s not just this incident – a little over two months ago ?250,000 of jewels were stolen from one of her photo shoots. Now, we’re not suggesting that Lindsay carried out these robberies herself – because thieves are generally quite clever and we expect that Lindsay Lohan gets routinely outsmarted by inanimate objects – but if she isn’t careful then the next thing that’s stolen from her could be something she really cares about.
Like, for instance, the sound of her own voice. Or a reminder of when she was legitimately famous. Or whatever.
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KIMM says
Poor thing!! I HATE THIEVES!!! Living up in the hills and having the good times in life, Is the reason we Americans fight and die for freedom!! I hope cops catch these fools. Audrina too her and Lynsdy need to get together and help fight to keep the Hollywood Hills free Of Crime!!! I am so mad.. I hate it ….our young girls living up here are becoming victims to stupid idiots who steal, and get away with it!! I think all need to BUY A GUN, Keep it close, And use it if nessarsary BLOW THERE HEADS OFF< IF THEY STEP IN YOUR HOME SHOOT THEM!!!!!!!!!
halo says
uhh, Kimm I think you forgot your meds..
forget the gun, maybe a security system with camera’s is in order..
Wait – I got it…
ADT next new celeb sponser = Dina Lohan