Lindsay Lohan Didn’t Bang James Franco, She Just Watched him Sleep


The Lindsay Lohan sex list scandal is like the gift that keeps on giving for me as a blogger. James Franco’s antics are also a dream for us celebrity gossip folks. Put them together and what do you get? A never-ending dream come fucking true.

While every other celeb that Lohan listed as a former lay has (obviously) remained mum about the whole thing (who wants to admit to be associated with Lindsay Lohan nowadays, right?), James Franco just won’t shut up about the damn thing and I love it.

Franco recently went on Howard Stern and once again addressed the scandal, denying he’d ever stuck it to Lohan, though admitting he’d totally Frenched her (I will forever talk about kissing like I’m a nine-year-old). Franco said:

I will swear on anything you ask that I have never had sex with Lindsay Lohan. I bet if you brought her in here and you asked her face, ‘Did you have sex with James?’ she would say ‘Yes.’ I think she’s that?[“Delusional?” asks Stern] Or doesn’t remember? Alright, we maybe kissed. It was lame. I can’t believe she put me on that private list! She’s so delusional!

Franco then went on to say he was just in awe of Lindsay Lohan’s fame when they kissed (hold back your laughter at someone being in awe of Lindsay Lohan’s fame) and that he felt really bad about it after because he’s like eight years older than her (hold back your laughter at James Franco feeling bad about macking on a much younger girl).

So all of this is fine and dandy, whatever, so they kissed, lots of people kiss, it doesn’t mean they’ve plugged each other’s Instagram accounts, but then, just to prove how delusional Lindsay Lohan genuinely is, Franco goes on to tell a gem of a tale about how one time several years back he and Lindsay were living in the same hotel and one night he woke up at 3am to find her standing over him.

You see, Lindsay didn’t lie! She did sleep with James Franco, it’s just that in her out of whack brain sleeping with someone can also mean simply watching them sleep while you’re wasted on Adderall. So, really, neither of them in lying. Mystery solved!

This might also explain why James Franco is ten shades of weird. Imagine waking up in the middle of the night to a wasted Lindsay Lohan version of this standing over you:


That shit will scar a person. James Franco probably hasn’t slept in years. Apparently I’m solving mysteries all over the place tonight.

Krysta: 2. Columbo: Still like 1,389,102,985