I cannot apologize enough for being absent over the long Labor Day weekend, especially since while I was out of town the most magical thing to ever happen to the internet (or the world, for that matter) occurred: Lindsay Lohan danced at her club in Greece.
This might not seem like a big deal to those of you who haven’t seen the video, but those of you who have know why this deserves an entire blog.
First and foremost, watch the masterpiece that is Lindsay Lohan dancing:
Lindsay Lohan reminds me of two things in this video. First, there was this girl I knew about a decade ago who I really didn’t like, but we hung out at all the same bars and clubs so I had to see her basically everywhere. She was a few years younger than me and a bigger mess of a drinker than I was, and her and her bff would get wasted and try to dance to live bands and they’d go up front, doing their drunk mess dances, and boy oh boy did they look a lot like Lohan looks in that video. Second, this is also how I assume a young Blanche Deveraux from The Golden Girls danced after one too many drinks.
Actually three, it reminds me of three things, because it also reminds me of a drunk person trying to do this:
The common denominator here is that this dance consistently reminds me of someone drunk attempting to dance and being hysterically bad at it. I’m sure Lohan will argue that she wasn’t drunk in this video and that’s just how people dance in Greece, but I’m pretty sure the closest this comes to how people dance in Greece is if she’s imitating the dancing of a group of drunk and sedative addicted senior citizens who put off a retirement home version of Grease. Those summer nights, indeed, Ms. Lohan.