Don’t let the title of this article fool you, I’m not talking honest like telling Oprah the truth about how many times you’ve done cocaine, or honest like telling Oprah’s film crew you’re currently having a miscarriage so they can’t come up to your apartment to film you totally not drinking right now. No, I’m talking honest like, someone might want to legit marry Lindsay Lohan. AKA the only way Lohan could be an honest woman…whatever that means.
You know how sometimes all these rich Arabian princes or oil tycoons or like sheiks or whatever will pay tacky female celebrities to be their dates to these over the top parties in Abu Dabi or something? Like Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian have been invited to tons of these. Well, in a rare instance of foreign businessman pursuing trashy Hollywood starlet, Lindsay Lohan has somehow found love!
TMZ is reporting that the 22-year-old Russian heir Egor Tarabasov popped the question over the weekend, and LiLo said: Duh, I am broke as FUUUUCCCK and you’re a multi-millionaire, so yeah, yes, buy me champagne and snort cocaine out of my ass. Life is going to be soooo GOOD. NAMASTE, BITCHES!
In reality, as the long-running president of the Lindsay Lohan fan club, I am overjoyed by this news. Lohan has really been staying out of the media and out of trouble lately and is instead just hanging out on yacht’s with Dr. Frankenstein’s sexy sidekick. This is so amazing for her. She has 6 mug shots, yet she’s found wealth, love and success.
I have no mug shots and I’m currently watching the pilot of that new show “Game of Silence” and all I can think is “Why are they making the completely decent 1996 movie “Sleepers” into a television show? Do they realize that’s what they’ve done? Can they be sued for this? Can they PLEASE be sued for this, because this is so awful and no one asked for this. Just watch “Sleepers”! Ugh”
Either way, mega congrats to mah gurl Lindz, I always knew you had good things coming your way! (And I’m not just talking about the good shit or “I know who killed me” sequel).
Ty says
You’re a really good writer – that was really funny