Your Lindsay Lohan typically comes in two sizes – there’s your regular Lindsay Lohan and your alarmingly thin Lindsay Lohan.

Which would you prefer? We should probably warn you in advance that the regular Lindsay Lohan model tends to get her boobs and growler out a lot more than skinny Lohan. You’ll take skinny Lohan? Wise choice, sir.

It’s just as well, because Lindsay Lohan is going through one of her thin stages. But don’t worry, because Lindsay Lohan says it’s nothing to panic about – it’s down to her “working a lot”. Conclusive proof there that epic self-delusion burns calories fast.

High up on our list of Things That We’re Desperate To See Yet Will Probably Never Materialise is the Lindsay Lohan workout DVD. It’d be a sensation if it was ever released, since Lindsay Lohan has such a clear four-point weight-loss strategy:

Step One – Allegedly take whatever illegal narcotics you can find that will speed up your metabolism to the point where you become a bulgy-eyed maniac who can’t drive a car very well.

Step Two – Spend almost a year in rehab eating nothing but pulses and however many handfuls of medication you get given for $20,000 a month.

Step Three – Chainsmoke relentlessly. This step is important. Relentlessly.

Step Four – Burn off any extra calories by screaming abuse at your mannish girlfriend whenever you’re in earshot of a journalist.

Follow this plan and you too can have a shape like Lindsay Lohan. That shape, incidentally, is the exact dimension of a single strand of human hair with a great big objectionable ginger head plonked on top of it. Because, boy oh boy, is Lindsay Lohan ever skinny these days.

Not that she hasn’t been skinny before – in the past Lindsay Lohan lost weight because wanted to be in Mission: Impossible III and also because she might have been a little bit bulimic – but that hasn’t stopped several people from voicing their concerns about all the weight that Lindsay Lohan has lost this year.

But it’s OK. Lindsay Lohan wants you to know that she’s perfectly fine at her current weight, and she was kind enough to explain to US Weekly why this is:

“It’s not intentional. I eat. I had my Big Mac yesterday from McDonald’s. I’ve never weighed myself in my life,” she said, before adding that any weight loss could be down to “working a lot,” “stress,” and “lack of sleep”. “I think it’s all the stuff that adds up,” said the actress.

Now it might seem a little bit odd of Lindsay Lohan to blame her skinny frame on too much work – especially since she’s the most notoriously unemployable actress in all of Hollywood – but actually we think she might be onto something here. After all, when we heard that Lindsay had been sacked from Ugly Betty we laughed so hard that we lost about 15kg, so goodness knows what it must have done to her.

Besides, we really can’t see what the problem is here. Lindsay Lohan’s lost a little bit of weight. So what? This is a situation where the worst-case scenario involves Lindsay getting so thin that she actually vanishes. And people are concerned? Weirdos.

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