As Lindsay Lohan knows, the hardest part of being a recovering alcoholic isn't getting sober – it's staying sober long enough to turn down rubbishy films about forgetful strippers.
Or even staying sober at all, for that matter. A video has emerged of Lindsay Lohan swigging from a bottle of champagne at a New Year's Eve party in Italy, even though she pretty much spent almost every waking hour of 2007 in various rehab clinics trying to kick the booze for good. However, the good news is that the video only shows Lindsay Lohan taking one gulp of champagne before putting it down – which either means that a) Lindsay realised what she was jeopardising by drinking and responsibly stopped or b) Lindsay realised that her alcohol-soaked gut had developed an immunity to sparkling wine and put it down to find something more boozy, like vodka or lighter fluid or some of her own urine.
It's been made clear that 2008 is Lindsay Lohan's Year Of Sex, something that she's already put into action by getting off with every Italian man on Earth in the space of about an hour and a half. But the thing about trying to have it off with all the men in the world is that many of them aren't very sexy. How to cope? Since quitting Lindsay Lohan's Year Of Sex before it's begun isn't an option, this leaves Lindsay with two options – either she can harness her acting skills and pretend that she's enjoying herself or she can get wankered on booze and numb the unpleasantness.
Since anyone who's seen I Know Who Killed Me knows that the first choice is a physical impossibility, that just leaves Lindsay Lohan with the alcoholic option. But the problem there is that Lindsay Lohan has a bit of a history with alcohol. Last year Lindsay was arrested for DUI twice and went to roughly three thousand different rehab centres trying to dry out and get her life back in order.
So what's it to be? Does Lindsay Lohan try to power through Lindsay Lohan's Year Of Sex with booze or does she wisely avoid even the merest hint of alcohol in the knowledge that it's already undone her career, bashed up her personal life and sent her to jail? Go on, guess.
It's the booze, of course! Lindsay Lohan has been filmed swigging from a bottle of champagne at an Italian nightclub on New Year's Eve. Looky…
But relax – the video only shows Lindsay Lohan taking a single swig from the bottle, and Lindsay's lawyer Blair Berk has been quick to point out that the taste of alcohol alone freaked her out enough to get help:
"After being handed a champagne bottle while on the dance floor in Italy on New Year's Eve and drinking from it, the good news is that Lindsay stopped herself, called her sponsor and got herself back on track. There is no magic cure here. The most unfortunate part of this is that Lindsay has to share her 'one day at a time' with the entire world."
As much as we're impressed by Lindsay Lohan's apparent strictness, we're also just relieved that she stopped at one gulp of champagne. As we all know, after two gulps Lindsay starts giving idiotic interviews about how she doesn't have a problem, after three gulps she starts screeching things like "I can't get in trouble. I'm a celebrity. I can do whatever the fuck I want."
And at five gulps? Well, let's just pray that she never reaches five gulps again.
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suzan says
This is not news. Please report something at least marginally relevant.
Louise says
I don’t watch commercial television and I don’t keep up with People magazine or any of this popular journalism, so this article. which appeared as a legitimate news article on my gmail site prompted me to “catch up”. Is this journalism? I can’t believe the sensationalism attributed to some nobody’s personal life. So what difference does it make the rest of the world if this person with a personal crisis may have lapsed, or not? Give me a break. How about someone who is working on world peace or justice, or water for the masses who are without, reducing the green house effect, or stopping child labor around the world? THAT, I would be interested in reading about.
Adam Gade says
LOL WUT!? Water for the masses? I don’t there are any real life Moses going around. This is a celeb gossip and critic site, you probably won’t get your fix of “serious journalism” about srs business here.