Lily Allen Vs Cheryl Cole, Round 3589

“My dad’s bigger than your dad”. “You don’t wanna say shit to me, coz my brother is all like seven foot tall and well knows big Dave whose like the biggest, baddest, hardest person in the whole wide ghetto of London.” This are just a sample from the forthcoming book entitled Pointless Girly Tongue-Lashings Volume 1 – Lily Allen Vs Cheryl Cole.

For a few months now, the uncredible world of rubbish manufactured pop music has tried to make itself look all hip and cool by sparking itself a rivalry between two bints rarely out of the music press. Sadly, their arguments aren’t as spectacular as the whole American rap world’s. There, they have people shoot each other and all sorts! Here, pop stars just mouth off at each other. And to make it even more unexciting, not even when they're in the same room. Forever. 

Hecklerspray has been the victim of petty insults from people more rubbish than us, so we can so like totally feel for Lily Allen and Cheryl Cole. Lee Ryan called one of us a cunt not so long ago, which resulted in a mix of laughter and the fear that a pack of 12-year-olds would stalk us before beating us to a pulp with a Lee Ryan CD bought from the bargain basement bin from Woolworths. 

On a recent episode of Gordon Ramsay’s F-Word - which shows nothing but posh people eating overpriced and funny sounding food - he got Cheryl Cole to describe what she thought of gobby cockney Lily Allen. She replied: “Chick with a dick.” If only Cheryl knew the tidal wave of abuse coming her way! Remember everyone, this is the same Lily Allen who once called Corrine Bailey Rae boring. How would insults like that be taken? Posting via her MySpace page, the more than likely shaken Lily - who still hasn’t let us know if she does have a dick - said about the comment: 

“I know I've said bad things about people in the past , though the majority of them have been blown wayyyy out of proportion , but this i mean… Cheryl if you're reading this , I may not be as pretty as you but at least I write and SING my own songs without the aid of autotune . I must say taking your clothes off , doing sexy dancing and marrying a rich footballer must be very gratifying , your mother must be so proud , stupid bitch.”

So we all assumed that everything was over and we’d hear no more petty arguments between the two. Instead, we just monitored how rubbish Lily Allen’s clothing range did. Unfortunately though, the dust doesn’t seem to have settled and over this weekend's Glastonbury festival, more rude things were uttered from one of the two. Strangely a track called Cheryl Tweedy written by no-one other then Lily Allen was dedicated to “someone very unspecial" and changed the song's lyrics to put down her Girls Aloud nemesis. Instead of singing "I wish I looked just like Cheryl Tweedy," Allen crooned "I'm glad I don't look like fucking Cheryl Tweedy." 

Shit down on us! Head for the hills, with such an insult like that we wonder if someone will reconsider recommissioning Celebrity Boxing so those two can fight it out, hopefully damaging each others' jaws so neither of them can sing any more.

Read more: 

Lily Allen Lashes Out At Cheryl Cole - Digital Spy