There aren't many female singers worse off than Lily Allen and Amy Winehouse – one's a clag-haired almost-dead heroin addict and the other one's a three-nippled Ewok who can't go to America because she keeps punching people.
So you'd think that Lily Allen and Amy Winehouse would want to share a scrap of solidarity at this troubling time for both of them, and take comfort in their gigantic municipal fuckwittery. But obviously that's not the case – it's being reported that Lily Allen peppered her recent V Festival appearance with all sorts of jibes at Amy Winehouse's expense. Now, given the history of Lily Allen feuds, chances are that Amy Winehouse will hit back with her own volley of insults within days, and it's expected that Amy is currently choosing between "fneeuuuurrrgh" and "glaurghhhhhrfp" as a witty comeback, depending on how jacked up on methadone she is when the time comes to actually say it.
As much as they'd hate to admit it, Lily Allen and Amy Winehouse have an awful lot in common. Firstly they're both highly successful female recording artists – Lily Allen was nominated for all kinds of Brit Awards and Amy Winehouse won all kinds of Brit Awards and they both received their fair share of MTV video award nominations. Plus Lily Allen has her own clothing line and Amy Winehouse almost has her own clothing line. Plus both Lily Allen and Amy Winehouse are on the new, somewhat overrated, Mark Ronson album. Seriously, you'd think Lily Allen and Amy Winehouse were twins if one of them didn't look like a 13-foot-tall skagged-up praying mantis and the other one didn't model herself on the dwarfy goblin thing from the end of Don't Look Now.
But. despite all these spooky similarities, Lily Allen and Amy Winehouse haven't got any love for each other. So, after Amy Winehouse was forced to pull out of the weekend's V Festival because she had a massive drug overdose and wanted to play rehab Hokey Cokey for a while, Lily Allen decided to use her festival slot to roll out some of her trademark spite directed at Amy. Stuff reports:
Lily poured herself a shot of Jagermeister, a 70 per cent proof liqueur, and raised her glass, saying: "It's the end of the weekend, you have got to have a drink. Here's to Amy Winehouse… ha!" The 22-year-old singer also took another veiled dig at shockingly thin Amy – who is reportedly addicted to heroin – when she attacked skinny celebrities. Introducing her song Everything's Just Wonderful, she said: "All these skinny girls in the magazines, 'Look at me, look at me' – heroin addicts! You are not that skinny unless you have an eating disorder or a drug habit."
You have to hand it to Lily Allen, that's one accomplished insult. Perhaps she picked up the skill slagging off Corinne Bailey Rae or Lady Sovereign or Cheryl Cole or Lindsay Lohan, who knows. Of course, though, Lily Allen is far from perfect herself – thanks to her habit of punching photographers, Lily Allen has been banned from America. And even though this meant MTV has dropped her and she's had to cancel an American tour, Lily Allen had something to say about that at V too:
"I couldn't care less if I never go to America again. I would rather be with my man. I've been banned from America. That's nice. Oh well, that means I can't go back there. Good."
Which is obviously quite a marked difference to all the "I don't like letting my American fans down" claptrap that Lily Allen was rocking right after her America ban. In fact, this disregard for her fans has pushed us over the edge. We're no longer Lily Allen fans, and we're going to hand in our commemorative Lily Allen third nipple just as soon as we've unstitched it from our chest.
Anyway, we're straying from the point here – and the point is that Lily Allen and Amy Winehouse should put their differences aside and move forward together in a mutually-beneficial display of super-close sisterhood. So long as they promise never to make a lesbian sex tape together and market it on the internet. Our stomachs can only stand so much, you know.
Read more:
KEVIN says
Amy Winehouse, and Lily Allen, have spoken many times, they are friends,Lily Allen admires Winehouses work, (although she doesn’t think thats her real voice)Lily Allen never punched photographer Kevin Rush! she pulled at his camera, he pulled back and he was hit in the nose (with his camera) Lily Allen walked into the police station, on her own, and walked out 45 minutes later, (not arrested) She also wrote a blog called I don’t hate America, she just hates George Bush,(good for her) the above statement, I don’t have to go back there, Good, was made up by the press. So, o.k she does look kind of like a troll doll, but she’s cute and funny! sometimes the world just needs to lighten up!
joe wilson says
fuck you amy winehouse and lily allen are both beautiful your a miserable little nobody, if the slugs outside my house were as butt ugly as you I’d feel sorry for them. But hey I dont think either of them care what a shallow twat like you thinks.
Kyle Manchaster says
Amy Winehouse really is fantastic..