Lily Allen & Lady Sovereign In Tedious Pikey-Fight

Lily Allen and Lady Sovereign have a lot to disagree on at the best of times - who can happyslap a pensioner the fastest, who can sell the cheapest knock-off Burberry baseball caps, that sort of thing - but arguing over musical quality? Really?

Apparently Lady Sovereign - you know her, she's the UK hip-hop A Flock Of Seagulls - has been laying into loudmouth cod-reggae popstar Lily Allen because Lily Allen has got a famous dad and Lady Sovereign hasn't. And now in an astonishing return-salvo Lily Allen has responded furiously to Lady Sovereign's outburst, hitting back via her MySpace blog.

And to make matters worse we're reporting it as news. And we're sorry.

Everyone knows who Lily Allen is - she's the gobby, funny-looking pint-sized poppet who couldn't win a Brit so save her life who'll be your girlfriend for the right price. Lily Allen is primarily famous for three things: 1) Being an unabashed pop singer who swears occasionally, allowing the NME and some toddlers to like her in equal measure, 2) Being rude about other singers on the internet and 3) Having a dad who got his cock out in Shallow Grave.

Meanwhile Lady Sovereign is less well-known. She's a gobby, funny-looking pint-sized pikey rapper who somehow got signed by Jay-Z and is apparently the most famous white female British rapper ever, pushing Su Pollard into second place after an unprecedented run at the top. But for all of American love, Lady Sovereign is only known in England as the novelty act who rapped on the song by the tit who walked off Never Mind The Buzzcocks. So we have two gobby female musicians of restricted height - Lily Allen (famous in Britain, wants to be famous in America) and Lady Sovereign (famous in America, wants to be famous in Britain). There's trouble brewing and Sky, as ever, has its finger on the pulse:

Sov claimed Lily is only successful because her dad is comedian Keith Allen. She spat: "I'm not hating on her but someone like Lily Allen, just cause her dad's famous, doesn't have to work as hard as someone like me." Well, that really got Lily's goat… And we don't mean to take sides - but we do applaud Lily's clever comeback. She wrote on her MySpace page: "In response to Miss Sovereign's comments, I've spoken to my dad and he says he'd be happy to adopt you if you think it will give you a leg up."

Hey, this is like the Blur vs Oasis of chavvy midgets who not many people particularly care about. Lily Allen has made her reputation by slagging off other singers on her MySpace page; lately Lily called Corinne Bailey Rae "boring" - a shocking observation right up there with calling the sky "blue" or her own music "overplayed." And Lady Sovereign has her ghetto Asbo-cred to uphold, too, so none of this is especially shocking. In fact, it almost seems as if this whole feud thing has been carefully choreographed to help raise each other's profile in Britain and/or America.

There's only one way to prove that Lily Allen and Lady Sovereign mean it, and that's with a bottle-fight in Wetherspoons carpark at sundown. Be there. Or don't be there. We're not especially fussed either way, to be honest.

Read more:

Lily Vs Lady: Round Two - Sky