Lily Cooper n?e Allen, daughter of woefully poor actor Keith Allen and a woman that never gets mentioned because she’s not quite famous enough (Alison Owen, in case you were wondering), has been undergoing a transformation from watered-down bad girl of pop to a dowdy shut-in with only twitter for company. Much like ourselves.
But now the star is undergoing a far more alarming change. She’s turning into a penguin!
Not ‘The Penguin’, star of Batman but a large, flightless bird which while being essentially useless in the food chain, does know how to throw an excellent parade.
Lily, who is of course pregnant, woke up this morning feeling a bit off colour, presumably feeling a bit more monochromatic than usual. Doctors have suggested that her feeling ill is because of her ever-expanding baby bump but Allen could not be consoled and has started checking herself every five minutes, looking for eruptions of feathers.
If only things were that simple though! Cooper’s penguin paranoia made her start thinking about the chocolatey biscuit treat that shares its name with the animal. It doesn’t however share the wide appeal of the penguin, tasting as it does, of dust covered in cheap chocolate.
She updated twitter with the following musing:
“I feel like a penguin, not the chocolate covered biscuity kind, but an actual penguin that waddles … now can’t stop thinking about chocolatey penguins doh!”
People are beginning to worry about the health of the baby and Lily’s vocal chords if her transformation does come to pass and she becomes a very strong swimmer and goes diving for fish. Will she have a human child or will it be a penguin too? What caused this transformation and has it happened before?
Lily- who married Sam Cooper earlier this summer and is said to be unwilling to sit on any eggs- is starting to feel the effects of pregnancy as she enters her third trimester and with the added stress of having to learn to communicate with her feathered brethren, she is said to be having a tough time.
The 26-year-old singer has even been learning how to knit and sew, previously saying:
“I’m being taught how to knit. I’m so not rock ‘n’ roll anymore. I’m embroidering too. I’m actually in the process of making cushions.”
We suggest that she uses her last days as a human to fashion some nets using her new found sewing skills. That way, she’ll have a place to store all of her fish. That is, until we can find a doctor to change her back. Don’t worry, Lily! Help is on the way!
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