Lil Wayne was supposed to be in jail today, experiencing all of the joys that a detention facility has to offer.
Like the food. And the witty repartee. And the shanking. And the bumming. And the wishing that he’d decided to call himself Big Wayne or Angry Wayne or Wayne Who Will Definitely Beat You In A Fight or anything other than Lil Wayne. But all of that excitement will just have to wait.
Because Lil Wayne isn’t in jail today. Yesterday Lil Wayne learnt that his sentencing would be postponed until next month so that he could get some important oral surgery done. Which seems a little excessive – surely it isn’t anything that can’t be fixed by a burly cellmate with a razorblade wedged into a toothbrush and a snookerball in a sock.
Lil Wayne deserves your sympathy for all kinds of reasons. Firstly there’s that rubbish new album of his, which sounds like Limp Bizkit doing a bad David After Dentist impression. Then there’s the fact that some of his teeth hurt a little bit. Finally, though – and most tragically – Lil Wayne hasn’t gone to prison yet. That means that in the big scheme of things, Lil Wayne isn’t as much of a gangsta as Linsday Lohan or Paris Hilton. How disappointing.
That’ll change soon enough, but for the time being he’ll just have to lump it. Yesterday Lil Wayne was expected to be sentenced to a year in jail following a plea deal reached over a felony gun possession charge. He seemed ready to go, too – he left a sad little goodbye message to his fans on Ustream and has reportedly filmed so many music videos that nobody will even realise that he’ll probably be getting violently bummed in a laundry room by a one-eyed arsonist at the time that his label releases them – but it didn’t happen.
Why? Because some of Lil Wayne’s teeth really started to hurt right before he due to be sentenced. MTV reports:
When Wayne showed up in court today, his lawyer announced that the Rebirth MC needed to undergo oral surgery and needed a few more weeks of freedom. The judge granted Wayne some time to recover from a cracked tooth and rescheduled his formal sentencing to March 2.
Quite right too. The judge knows that you can’t have prisoners running around inside jails with cracked teeth. It sets such a bad example to the outside world. Think of the reaction to the jail’s admittance brochure if it had Lil Wayne leering from the cover with a slightly imperfect tooth on full show. It would make a joke of the entire justice system.
But even though the world now knows that Lil Wayne can’t go to prison because one of his toothy-woothies has gone a little bit ouchy-wouch, it doesn’t mean that his gangsta credentials have completely diminished. Let’s not forget that Lil Wayne still has a criminal record. It’s called Rebirth.
Thanks, we’re here all week.
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shooty* says
*rolls eyes*
And at the next appearance: In growing toe nail.
magnetite says
It’s going to take a lot longer than that.
Dentist: “This cock-proof coating isn’t adhering. I don’t understand.”
LW: “It’s because I’m a-”
Dentist: (interrupting) “This has never happened before. It’s like your teeth are rejecting it.”
LW: “I know. It’s because I’m a-”
Dentist: (interrupting) “It’s only supposed to reject cocks, dicks and tools.”
LW: “I keep trying to tell you. It’s because-”
Dentist (interrupting) “Can you wait in the other room for half an hour and we’ll try again with another batch.”
LW: “Never mind. Just laminate my tongue.”
mark cooley says
whoever wrote this bout lil wayne is a douch.
shooty* says
AGAIN with the Americans and “douche”. Seriously, can you not use a PROPER insult, instead of a sanitised, non-swearing quasi-insult that your government and censorship organisations have persuaded you is a really, really nasty insult, when it’s not, it’s just a harmless word equivalent to the French for “shower”, and the rest of the world is laughing at you for being so blatantly taken in? Again?
Just saying.
lilywhite says
In the American vernacular, a “douche” is quite different from a “shower.”
Stuartsadouche says
Stuart. Lil Stuart. Get out from behind your lil desk and do something with you life instead of complaining about lil wayne. You honestly have one of the most pathetic jobs of all time. Life is so bad for you have to complain about other people stuff. You’re ‘editorial’ masterpiece makes everyone in existence laugh at people like you. Waynes the shit. He takes dumps that have more skill then you. Grow some balls if you got any n say that to his face, im sure there is an emergency room at a dentist close by he’d send you to. Lets not forget. YOU’RE A douchebag!!
Thanks, I’ll be here all week.
Stuartsadouche says
oh and shooty, youre a douche too : ) a un-american douche. America. Fuck-Yea.
Stuartsadouche says
you’re a douche too. Fuck yea.
magnetite says
Madam, I am at least three kinds of douche – including (but not primarily) the kind that would call someone who is most probably a man Madam.
You sell me short, sir.
Bunny says
Well done on calling shooty a shower seen as how you called him an “un-american douche”.
America…Fuck-Yea indeed sweetie. It’s a good thing your pretty…oh wait…
SusanJx3 says
ya could tell whoever wrote this is white, always hating. smh, lil wayne is one of the best rappers of this generation, all ya are corny. ya juss have no sense of humor, ya should get a nice L of piff and bump to that NO CEILINGS MIXTAPE and stfu & stop hating dumbasses.
Fetish says
Your an ass. He couldn’t go to jail until his grills were removed, which takes dental surgery!!! Research some more!
Fetish says
You are an ASS. The judge wouldn’t let him go to jail with $150,000 worth of diamond grills in his mouth. Since they were permanent they had to be surgically removed. Check your facts a little hard!!!!
Mrz.c@rter says
Whoever wrote this needs a life. you sit here and type all this shit about lil wayne because your a fucken hater. do you not realize that its people like you that make him as famous and succesful as he is now.your an idiot who obviously has no common sense. why would they send him to jail with 150,000 dollars worth of diamonds in his mouth. your a dick and you need to find a better hobby then sitting at a desk and typing shit like this about rich and succesfull people just because your jelous. go fall into a valcano. your ridiculous.
uhhhello says
Apparently you don’t grasp the concept of sarcasm very well do you? Otherwise you would find the amusement in this article. I mean c’mon the website is called “Hecklerspray”. That should’ve clued you in before clicking the link (assuming you have a brain).
Side note: If you consider Lil Wayne to be the best hip hop has to offer then hip hop really is dead.
Kalah says
ummm you can fuck off. [: first of all, lil wayne has horrible teeth due to excessive candy eating. he loves skittles, a lot. his grills are surgically put in so of course he has a cracked mother fucking teeth, he had the grills yanked out of his fucking mouth.? So keep drinkin on that hater-aid &+ grow the fuck up &+ leave the best rapper alive alone.
Dr. debora @ individual dental insurance says
this is all just a bunch of jiber jaber. lil has so much money that this is all completely irrelivant. how bout he fesses up to his problems instead of always blaming all his problems on other people. ? . ? .
Matt Wald 1012 west 10th Pratt kansas says
Ill murder your family and burn your house down if you ever disrespect my country again. do u understand? DEAD. Piece of shit dirt farmer.
whatinthegooglehell?! says
How did I end up at this lame website, this isnt gossip news. You make it up as you go along. And to the idiots who dont know what a dueche or dueche bag actually is, look it up in a dictionary. Then run to the store and grab some for your mother Im sure she needs its, a country who doesnt even brush their teeth (Austin Powers) Im sure dont clean their vajay jays. Speaking of teeth some of you englanders have a lot of nerve talking about lil wayne…..Im jus sayin.
john says
fuck illuminati