Like the food. And the witty repartee. And the shanking. And the bumming. And the wishing that he’d decided to call himself Big Wayne or Angry Wayne or Wayne Who Will Definitely Beat You In A Fight or anything other than Lil Wayne. But all of that excitement will just have to wait.
Because Lil Wayne isn’t in jail today. Yesterday Lil Wayne learnt that his sentencing would be postponed until next month so that he could get some important oral surgery done. Which seems a little excessive – surely it isn’t anything that can’t be fixed by a burly cellmate with a razorblade wedged into a toothbrush and a snookerball in a sock.
Lil Wayne deserves your sympathy for all kinds of reasons. Firstly there’s that rubbish new album of his, which sounds like Limp Bizkit doing a bad David After Dentist impression. Then there’s the fact that some of his teeth hurt a little bit. Finally, though – and most tragically – Lil Wayne hasn’t gone to prison yet. That means that in the big scheme of things, Lil Wayne isn’t as much of a gangsta as Linsday Lohan or Paris Hilton. How disappointing.
That’ll change soon enough, but for the time being he’ll just have to lump it. Yesterday Lil Wayne was expected to be sentenced to a year in jail following a plea deal reached over a felony gun possession charge. He seemed ready to go, too – he left a sad little goodbye message to his fans on Ustream and has reportedly filmed so many music videos that nobody will even realise that he’ll probably be getting violently bummed in a laundry room by a one-eyed arsonist at the time that his label releases them – but it didn’t happen.
Why? Because some of Lil Wayne’s teeth really started to hurt right before he due to be sentenced. MTV reports:
When Wayne showed up in court today, his lawyer announced that the Rebirth MC needed to undergo oral surgery and needed a few more weeks of freedom. The judge granted Wayne some time to recover from a cracked tooth and rescheduled his formal sentencing to March 2.
Quite right too. The judge knows that you can’t have prisoners running around inside jails with cracked teeth. It sets such a bad example to the outside world. Think of the reaction to the jail’s admittance brochure if it had Lil Wayne leering from the cover with a slightly imperfect tooth on full show. It would make a joke of the entire justice system.
But even though the world now knows that Lil Wayne can’t go to prison because one of his toothy-woothies has gone a little bit ouchy-wouch, it doesn’t mean that his gangsta credentials have completely diminished. Let’s not forget that Lil Wayne still has a criminal record. It’s called Rebirth.
Thanks, we’re here all week.