And Medium-Sized Wayne? Why, butter wouldn’t melt in Medium-Sized Wayne’s mouth. But Lil Wayne has always been trouble. That’s why he’s just spent the last eight months in jail for spacking about illegally with an automatic gun. But those days are over – yesterday Lil Wayne was released from jail, and as a result he’s got plenty of lost time to make up for.
What’s on the cards for newly-free Lil Wayne? Well, according to reports, he’s planning a great big Welcome Home party for himself in Miami. That sounds delightful. Lil Wayne will show those other rappers what a real party is. Happy Meals and fairy cakes all round!
Although a jail sentence – especially a jail sentence in the notorious Riker’s Island prison – is nobody’s idea of fun, we fully expect that Lil Wayne was sad to leave his cell yesterday. After all, what are the two things you can count on in jail? That’s right – drugs and catastrophically shit tattoos. Lil Wayne loves drugs, and God knows he loves catastrophically shit tattoos – throw in an electric guitar that he could thrash about tunelessly at in the mistaken belief that people will love his musicianship as much as they love his rapping, and the man would have been in heaven.
But that’s all in the past now. After serving eight months of his year-long sentence for attempted felony gun possession, Lil Wayne is now a free man. And, just like all free men before him, what was the first thing Lil Wayne did upon his release? Have an emotional reunion with the people he loves the most? Renew his belief in God? Breathe in a deep lungful of crisp autumnal air and silently vow never to take his freedom for granted again?
No you idiots, he tried to see how many superfluous vowels and consonants he could write on Twitter. That’s what everyone does when they get out of prison. You idiot. CNN reports:
Early Thursday morning, Lil Wayne, whose real name is Dwayne Carter, was released from an eight month stint at Riker?s Island, tweeting “#WelcomeHomeWeezy” and “aaaaaaahhhhhhmmmmm baaaaakkkkkkkkkk” within hours of his release.
But it’s the next step that will be much more interesting to witness. Apparently there will soon be a huge, no expense spared party to mark Lil Wayne’s release. It’s apparently being organised by the Cash Money family, a group of old-style aristocrats that can be traced back to the moment when Jeremy Percington Cash married Elizabeth Chastity Money in 1702. The Cash-Moneys have long been famed for their enchanting soirees, so Lil Wayne can expect an evening of the finest hand-cut cucumber sandwiches and tea like he’s never tasted served in the most exquisite china.
Or the Cash Money family are just Lil Wayne’s gang of low-grade hangers-on, and the party will involve everyone standing around drinking cough medicine out of a polystyrene cup. One or the other.