Lil Wayne has always been the problem Wayne. Big Wayne, for instance, always made a point to keep his head down.
And Medium-Sized Wayne? Why, butter wouldn’t melt in Medium-Sized Wayne’s mouth. But Lil Wayne has always been trouble. That’s why he’s just spent the last eight months in jail for spacking about illegally with an automatic gun. But those days are over – yesterday Lil Wayne was released from jail, and as a result he’s got plenty of lost time to make up for.
What’s on the cards for newly-free Lil Wayne? Well, according to reports, he’s planning a great big Welcome Home party for himself in Miami. That sounds delightful. Lil Wayne will show those other rappers what a real party is. Happy Meals and fairy cakes all round!
Although a jail sentence – especially a jail sentence in the notorious Riker’s Island prison – is nobody’s idea of fun, we fully expect that Lil Wayne was sad to leave his cell yesterday. After all, what are the two things you can count on in jail? That’s right – drugs and catastrophically shit tattoos. Lil Wayne loves drugs, and God knows he loves catastrophically shit tattoos – throw in an electric guitar that he could thrash about tunelessly at in the mistaken belief that people will love his musicianship as much as they love his rapping, and the man would have been in heaven.
But that’s all in the past now. After serving eight months of his year-long sentence for attempted felony gun possession, Lil Wayne is now a free man. And, just like all free men before him, what was the first thing Lil Wayne did upon his release? Have an emotional reunion with the people he loves the most? Renew his belief in God? Breathe in a deep lungful of crisp autumnal air and silently vow never to take his freedom for granted again?
No you idiots, he tried to see how many superfluous vowels and consonants he could write on Twitter. That’s what everyone does when they get out of prison. You idiot. CNN reports:
Early Thursday morning, Lil Wayne, whose real name is Dwayne Carter, was released from an eight month stint at Riker?s Island, tweeting “#WelcomeHomeWeezy” and “aaaaaaahhhhhhmmmmm baaaaakkkkkkkkkk” within hours of his release.
But it’s the next step that will be much more interesting to witness. Apparently there will soon be a huge, no expense spared party to mark Lil Wayne’s release. It’s apparently being organised by the Cash Money family, a group of old-style aristocrats that can be traced back to the moment when Jeremy Percington Cash married Elizabeth Chastity Money in 1702. The Cash-Moneys have long been famed for their enchanting soirees, so Lil Wayne can expect an evening of the finest hand-cut cucumber sandwiches and tea like he’s never tasted served in the most exquisite china.
Or the Cash Money family are just Lil Wayne’s gang of low-grade hangers-on, and the party will involve everyone standing around drinking cough medicine out of a polystyrene cup. One or the other.
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Your Mom says
You’re a douche bag hecklespray.
Mathias Hoffmann says
You are a terrible sarcastic writer, and this was a disgusting piece. Your mad because Weezy is the bomb.
princess says
lil wayne back in bussiness
Jessica says
Loved!!! this article… Hecklerspray, you are my hero… This article discussed almost my exact feelings… I predict the cough medicine party over the tea party!! Thank you for brightening my day!!
rink-a-dink says
Can someone called Matthias Hoffmann really use the phrase “is the bomb” and still keep it sounding street?
The answer, as expected, is ‘no’.
sbuda says
its time we hear good music not those lil wayne be “welcome back caz”
Weezzzy! says
So this was very smart ass of you!
But we all knw wen Wayne hears
of this you’ll be hearing a song
about it :P you dnt phase him.
Hhhhheeeee’ssssssss bbbbbaaaaaaaakkkkkkkk!
tyler bissonnette says
ballin ur tha best wayne
johnny snap says
Learn how to write an article. Your humor is less than entertaining.
... says
Does this news site have any fans? I’m guessing not because you write some of the shitiest articles I’ve ever seen. Seriously though why all the hate on Wayne like is there really a reason for it? Maybe cause this is the worst news site possibly in the world and it’s ran by a bunch of fucking idiots. Maybe your just mad cause one of weezys songs can bring in more revenue then you’ll ever make in your life.
jon says
dude You Suck. You should never write again.
Ayo_Eana says
Well everybody can have their own opinions on lil wayne but for those of you who dont like him can freely express yourself just like the other million of fans that lil wayne has still supporting him nothing you can write or say can effect his money he’s still probably making more than this writers salary and this will only be a cause for lil wayneto make a diss to this artical pitiful low life.. But I know that support him through his mistakes because we all make them :)
WAYYYYYYYNNNNNNNNEEE ALLL DAY !
mz.weezy says
fckn haters lilwayne isn the best rapper alive nikkas so chill da fuck down mofoz
wesley says
lil wanyne need to get the hotboys back ,and bring it backhardcore. fuck that rock shit for a min.
FFS says
It’s not a news website, you blithering imbecile. It’s a deliberately rude and funny satire site. The fact that it’s called ‘Hecklerspray’ rather than ‘BBC News’, ‘NBC Today’ or similar should give some indication of its nature to even the most simple of minds.
And it’s ‘you’re just mad’, ‘you’re’ being a contraction of ‘you are’.
Hope that this clarifies things for you.
weezyeatsdick says
everyone knows weezy is the shittest ‘rapper’ in the game today. Because he isnt really a rapper and the time he spent in jail was good for the music world and the world in general.