Even Lil Wayne Cannot Save Paris Hilton From Being Completely Obsolete

Paris HiltonA music video starring?talentless socialite Paris Hilton and featuring scary rapper Lil Wayne was leaked online yesterday, confirming suspicions that Paris Hilton is absolutely awful in every way. The song, tastefully titled “Last Night (I Wanna Bang You),” is worth listening to, though not for Paris’?vocals, which, despite being heavily altered, are atrocious.

What makes the song worthwhile are Wayne’s audacious raps. While a heavily digitally-enhanced Paris repeats clever lines like “I can’t believe what we did last night,” Wayne not only?makes a blatant allusion to Paris’ infamous sex tape … (“Excuse my french, but fuck the cameras / I wanna spend a night in Paris“) … shamelessly plug his?clothing line … (“Whatever, I can love you better / Bust it wide open for a Trukfit sweater“), but?he also manages to work in a few sincerely romantic lines (“Last night was awesome / Super fucking awesome / It was me, myself, and I, and her / We had ourselves a foursome.“)

The video for the song is three and a half?brutal minutes of?pure Paris-worship,?including the heiress looking sexed-up in numerous?contrived situations. It includess footage from Paris’ 2006 Carl’s Jr commercial of her washing a car in a bathing suit and high heels and then sexily eating an enormous hamburger.

It also shows her swinging awkwardly on a thick rope in a sexy outfit, dancing sexily in a club, giggling sexily with her sister Nicky, posing sexily for a camera, and generally looking like a vapid whore.

The song was produced by Paris’ former boyfriend, Dutch DJ Afrojack, and was apparently going to be part of a new album for Paris. However, to the tragic disappointment of Paris’?last handful of?fans,?it seems unlikely that it will actually happen following her ugly break-up with Afrojack.

You aren’t going crazy if you experience a sense of deja vu when listening to the song. In addition to?segments that sound virtually identical to other Afrojack productions, the song was?already recorded by Pitbull on his album Global Warming. Pitbull and Wayne’s raps are completely different, but the more notable difference between the two tracks is that Pitbull’s features vocals by Havana Brown, whose vocals shoot Paris’ straight to hell. There is no comparison.

Paris Hilton and Lil Wayne