Liam Neeson To Become Pope?

The poor old dead fella hasn’t even been buried yet, but already TV people are seeing fit to greenlight papal projects - no doubt ‘inspirational’ movie-of-the-week-style fodder - left, right and centre.

Step forward, RAI Television: an Italian production company who are presently in talks with none other than Liam Neeson (you know, the guy you hire when Daniel Day-Lewis is too busy cobbling shoes or something).

Neeson is apparently eager to take on the role - originally intended for Paul Newman - in the production which currently has the stunningly imaginative working title of Pope John Paul II.

Fully expecting to recieve countless accusations of tasteless cashing-in, the company has taken the novel step of coming right out and point-blank admitting it.  ‘The script had been in the works for years,’ it was announced, ‘but the production was awaiting the Pope’s passing.’

Well. At least they’re being honest.

Although surely a less embellished statement would have worked better … something along the lines of ‘the script had been kicking around unnoticed for a decade or so, but it was only when that shambling old dinosaur finally croaked it that our eyes filled with dollar signs like some madcap Tex Avery animation.’

The story will apparently revolve around the 1981 assassination attempt, with his holiness experiencing a convieniently-structured series of flashbacks as he lies making his wheezing recovery.

Fantastic. The English Patient with a heavy-handed Catholic slant. That’s just what the world needs, isn’t it?

As swiftly as this little package has been bundled together, however, another like-minded bunch of ambulance-chasers have beaten the buggers to it.

Two-part biopic Karol is already in the can, done and dusted and awaiting transmission on April 18. Whether either production will address the issue of the Pope’s rampant homophobia or stunningly ignorant attitude towards birth control is another matter entirely.

Still. We’re sure Jesus would approve.

The Truth, The Way And The Site

[story by C J Davies]