Liam Gallagher R.I.P
Then buzz it up
February 15th, 2008 at 17:31 by Paul Sorrenti
He lives his life in the city, there's no easy way out, the day's moving just too fast for him. He need some time in the sunshine, he’s gotta slow it right down, the day is moving just too fast for him. And so tonight, Liam Gallagher is a married man.
That’s right; the former King of rock 'n roll has married a girl, one of those lurgie-carrying things. Her name's Nicole and she was in a girl band. A bloody girly lurgie band.
Where have all the rock stars gone? What happened to "Hey! Stay young, and invincible?" What happened to The Masterplan? Is this all part of it? We know that life on the other hand won’t make you understand that we’re all part of the Masterplan, but marrying a girl? Come on!
Say what you want about Cliff Richard, but when he was rockin he vowed to be a bachelor boy – and that’s the way he stayed. A true rock ‘n roll hero! He knew that marriage and rocking didn’t mix, and he became the biggest-selling artist of ever. Oh, Alex Turner and Ricky Wilson, please glue the shattered shell of our dreams back together. Hang on a minute, Ricky Wilson can get the fuck out of that sentence.
Liam Gallagher wed Nicole Appleton out of All Saints on Valentine's Day (Valentine's Day! Valentine's bloody Day!) at the Old Marylebone Town Hall, where Beatle
Sir Paul McCartney married Linda in 1969 – would you expect any less?
Next time Oasis open a gig with Rock N Roll Star (and we know they will do. It is a good opener), and Liam loudly groans “Tonight, I’m a rock n’ roll star!” how are we to take it seriously? Maybe a few of the fans will be able to get some enjoyment from the irony of it, as some kind of intellectual compromise to the fallacious message of the music, but what about the majority of Oasis fans? Will those British Bulldog draped in a St. George’s cross-tattooed meatheads be able to take it? Imagine their stupid faces. They won’t even know they’re living a lie. Oh, the ignorant bliss of the racist skin head.
It’s better to burn out than to fade away, my my, hey bloody hey. It’s been coming for a while, but good-bye Liam.
It was fun while it lasted.
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February 15th, 2008 at 6:04 pm
hahahaha
I like Paul Sorrenti because he always writes like he’s absolutely shitfaced on gin and is posing for a Hogarth woodcut.
February 15th, 2008 at 10:02 pm
it’s cinzano actually, and i pose for no man.
February 16th, 2008 at 12:04 am
Shit! I read that headline and thought he was dead! Only married? Bugger. How disappointing. This is nearly as bad as the time my girlfriend got confused & told me Mick Hucknall was dead, but it was only Micheal Hutchence.
February 16th, 2008 at 11:43 am
Liam was also married for 1997-2001, retard. No matter how in jest, the title of this article is lame and blasphemous, and the rest of the article is just a sad reach. You’re daft twat.
February 17th, 2008 at 2:32 pm
Funny, I don’t remember saying in the article that this was his first marriage? Too much Cinzano, probably. I was of course aware of the Patsy-era, but I’m not writing a biography on the boy, I’m not trying to systematically break down the boys life in one giant dissertation as to why he aint quite got it no more. However, you do make a good point; He got married in 1997. Before this point came Definitely Maybe and What’s the story? And after 1997? I rest my case. Noel, of course, married Meg at the same time. It was a disastrous year. i am sorry for being blasphemous, though. I’ll knock one off for the virgin mary tonight in repentance.
Forgive me Christian. Turn the other cheek, or I’m gonna get fruitful and multiply with your momma.
February 17th, 2008 at 8:08 pm
Blasphemous?! Excuse me, HRH Adam, but I believe it is you who are daft twat. I bet you like the Kaiser Chiefs too. Silly wanker.
February 18th, 2008 at 4:21 am
Oh thank heavens Godot finally posted. I was tired of waiting.
February 18th, 2008 at 12:12 pm
Leave it to a thread about Liam Gallagher to start a huge slagging match. Might as well join in…
Oasis: They were always fucking shit.
February 19th, 2008 at 12:22 pm
Godot I bloody loathe Kaiser Chiefs, don’t be a class A wanker, Liam is somebody’s father, ain’t right to start an article “RIP.” My guess’d be Stabby McGee loves the Kaiser Chiefs… and Radiohead and Blur [who I know Godot loves as well.] And I’m sure you both can agree on Robbie.
February 19th, 2008 at 1:43 pm
I don’t like Oasis, so I must like a band Oasis slagged off 10 years ago? Funny how you were just talking about sad reaches. Your name is quite fitting, since you’re clearly smoking something.
February 19th, 2008 at 1:51 pm
This just in: Liam Gallagher reads headline on hecklerspray, believes self to be dead for a few hours.
Turns out everyone just stopped caring.
February 19th, 2008 at 6:27 pm
I do indeed love both Radiohead and Blur. Yes. Good point. It ain’t bloody right cos the man’s a father, gov’na. You are right, HRH. His eight year old is apparently an avid hecklerspray reader.
February 19th, 2008 at 9:40 pm
Contributor, actually. So avid in fact
he wouldn’t notice his own father’s demise,
he’d have to read about it online.
What a potatohead.
February 21st, 2008 at 12:25 pm
My name has nothing to do with any kind of smoking, dafty. But I’m sure you smoke fags both in the UK and US sense.
February 21st, 2008 at 1:10 pm
It was a play on words, you dense sack of shit.
February 21st, 2008 at 1:45 pm
DURR HURR YOUR GAY !@!!! DURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
February 21st, 2008 at 3:21 pm
HRH = His/Her Royal Highness.
Highness.
Get it?
Highness? You know, like, high?
Potatohead.
Oh, wait, my mistake. In this case it stands for
Help Retarded Heckler.