Liam Gallagher, a man who facially resembles a cross between a Dickensian henchman and a brain damaged howler monkey, is well known for holding certain controversial views on the world around him. He’s the kind of gent that, if he were punch a GPS satellite out of the sky for ‘looking at him funny’, most people wouldn’t be 100% surprised.
Now, the former front brother of Oasis has decided to launch into a fashion crusade in an effort to clean up the image of some of music’s biggest stars. The bowl-cut-toting funster’s love of the finer fashions have often seen comparisons drawn between him and some of the most flamboyant characters in modern celebrity and fashion.
Who can forget that parka that he wore at Glastonbury 1996, T in the Park 1998, V Festival 2005, Knebworth well, actually… pretty much every live show that Oasis have done**. Still, it had a nice furry hood and was very practical in the winter, according to his mummykins.
Seemingly hoping to reignite some sort of North-South music rivalry with one of the biggest indie bands of the last two years, Gallagher has slated the style of ‘folk’ band Mumford and Sons.
?They look like f****** Amish people…”
Gallagher, who has clearly never seen an Amish person, was speaking in an interview with The Sun newspaper. Of course, the Oasis moaner is never short of a ridiculous pejorative and went on to say:
?You know, them ones with the big sides that don't use electricity? Growing their own food and putting barns up?I need music to be a bit more sexy and played by people who look a bit f****** dangerous.?
We’re no experts but there are many hazards which are inherent in both farming and construction. Have you ever been to a building site? It’s full of signs telling you how dangerous things are. What about growing food? I doubt anyone who has ever had their hand passed through a wheat thresher would try to tell you that farming is a safe occupation.
Oh, hang on. He doesn’t mean dangerous in the sense of hazards to health. He means the Beady Eye sense of ‘dangerous’. C’mon. You know the one. The people that love Oasis and Kasabian and throw their arms around as though they’re plants desperately trying to drag themselves up towards the sun by swaying back and forth. The sun in this case being the one that Liam seems to believe shines out of his rectum.
Still not with us on the danger thing? He means idiots in parkas and Adidas gazelles that have haircuts that look as though they’re an experiment designed to prove the effects of gravitational pull and are liable to glass anyone who looks at them for too long for being a ‘f**king ponce’. Yeah- those guys. Liam’s guys.
**hecklerspray would like to point out that we couldn’t care less if Oasis ever actually played these festivals on these dates.
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peg says
loved your response, why is anyone even talking to liam?
Mangosta says
No, Liam, you are not a young, working class rebel. You are a middle aged multi-millionaire whose adolescent behaviour looks increasingly tragic and desperate with every passing year. Grow up or piss off. Or both. Any combo would suit me.
Ellis Gethin says
You two, and the bloke who did the article, need to behave yourselves. Liam Gallagher dresses in an impeccably cool style, and (most of) his haircuts are the bollocks. No, they
didn’t play most of those dates, neither did Liam wear the same jacket at most Oasis gigs.
Also ‘Mangosta’, he doesn’t say he’s a young working class rebel anymore (although in the early days of Oasis I suppose he was), he arrogantly, and coolly, acknowledges that he’s a multi-millionaire, and I think your comment has proved his recent statement to be correct; ‘People live in the past – I’m 20 years older than that person they talk about’.
Mangosta says
I am humbled. The scales have fallen from my eyes and I can see that I was wrong to mock someone who has several jackets and bollocks hair. I hang my head in shame and mortification.
I am intrigued by your name, though. Could it be an anagram to hide the fact that your real name is Neil Shitlegs?