Pot Noodle headed Taylor Swift and tree-faced Jake Gyllenhaal have, apparently, broken up. That didn’t last long did it? Clearly, this is a cheap ploy on behalf of Gyllenhaal to get free promotion from Swift as she writes all about it on her next insipidly twee album of soul-searching garbage.
Taylor Swift is clearly an unbearable human. Even Kanye West hates her and he’s one of the most preposterous dipsticks in human history.
Jake Hisnameistoolonganddifficulttospellwithoutcheckingtentimes is the latest on the list of men who seemingly can’t stand to be in the company of Taylor Swift.
In the past, Joe Jonas (one of the Jonas Clones) and Twilight brooder Taylor Lautner are other suffering men who probably once thought “She seems kinda nice” before, we can only assume, they either discovered some sick-making revelation about the country-pop singer or, y’know, realised that spending a lot of time with her would actually mean that they would have to listen to her music once in a while.
Jake GelatinousHall was first seen stepping out with Swift backstage at Saturday Night Live in October and went as far as spending a Thanksgiving weekend with her. However, it seems that they cheered in the New Year separately.
A source told People.com:
“They’re over – it ended last month.”
Their respective spokesidiots are currently not offering any sort of comment, which of course, gives everyone else the opportunity to make up stories about the whole thing and pass themselves off as ‘a friend’ or ‘a source’. That’s how we make our money.
Next week, every single writer for hecklerspray intends to get Taylor on the rebound so she can write a concept album about a snarky gossip blog which everyone hates.
Perez Hilton will be so insanely jealous that he might walk into a Black Eyed Pea fist all over again.
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Anna says
brilliant and so funny! great writing!
Olivia says
I find Taylor Swift kind of annoying. She’s always talking about how all these guys are breaking her heart but, if SO MANY guys are breaking her heart maybe its HER fault. She’s a bit boy-crazed, too.
When my friend told me she was in her twenties, I was so surprised I thought she was like 15 or 16. She acts 15 or 16…
I LOVE taylor swift says
SHUT UR FACES UP OK SHES THE KINDA PERSON WHO FALLS IN LOVE WITH A PERSON SHE HAS EMOTIONS OK?!?!?!?
Victoria says
Haha I remember the days when I was like this. Haters gon hate. Trust me it gets tiring after awhile you find better hobbies ;)