Leonardo DiCaprio, you are an idiot. An actual, dribbling, barely comprehensible buffoon. Your stupidity alarms us.
Haven’t you been watching? What’s the most important lesson that anybody has learnt over the last couple of weeks? That’s right – that you don’t make Mel Gibson angry. You just don’t. You do whatever he says, because if you don’t you’ll end up on the receiving end of 30 increasingly terrifying phonecalls where Mel Gibson will swear at you, tell you that you deserve to be raped, berate you for lack of enthusiasm when it comes to oral sex and pant like a weirdo for upwards of 45 minutes at a time. To reiterate, YOU DON’T MAKE MEL GIBSON ANGRY.
So what has Leonardo DiCaprio done? He’s decided that he doesn’t want to be in Mel Gibson’s new film any more. The idiot. May God have mercy on his soul.
Leonardo DiCaprio could learn a lot from Mel Gibson. Once upon a time, Mel was just like Leonardo – a young, successful, in-demand actor with the whole world at his feet. But Gibson is proof that it can all come crashing down around your feet. All it takes is just one lapse in concentration. Or possibly more than 30 separate lapses in conversation, punctuated by racism and swearing and death threats and apparent confirmations of harrowing domestic assault. Look, either way Leonardo DiCaprio could learn a lot from Mel Gibson.
But, no, now that Leonardo DiCaprio is the star of that flashy new film that everyone loves, he’s decided that he’s too good to star in a film directed by the world’s most aggressive social pariah. And that’s why he’s decided to pass on starring in the new Mel Gibson film. The Boston Herald reports:
The Titanic actor sunk the idea of appearing in Gibson’s new movie, a period piece about Vikings. DiCaprio, riding high on the wave of success from his new film Inception, doesn’t want to damage his public image by working with the controversial director. “Leo has earned the right to pick and choose who he works with and Mel Gibson is not one of them,” a source told Radar.
What? Really? Mel Gibson is planning a film about Vikings? Forget all this Leonardo DiCaprio nonsense, doesn’t Mel Gibson realise that this is his way out? If we were him we’d be busy initiating The Pete Townsend Excuse – claiming that all that violence and swearing and obsession with rape was just research for his Viking film, honest. Who wouldn’t believe a line like that? Seriously, that’s all he needs to do. Claim that his next film is about Vikings and that the film after that is about massive unloveable alcoholic bellends and that way he’ll have covered all of his bases.
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{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }
I’m sorry, but this is more of a rant than an article.
Did it ever occur to you that Leo left because he didn’t want to waste his time on someone as volatile as Mel? What if the studio decided to drop Mel and sever all ties? I think it has little to do with ego and all to do with strategy.
Jay – I think you are a deeply devious satirist. Your comment may actually be funnier than the original article. Bravo sir!
*clapping
He definitely is a hero.
Leonardo dicrapio is to gay to be a Viking he should find a suitable or a unknown actor that could play the part, not a likable idiot, like him , that Mel has a temper everybody has one, that some people want to buried him including the media, that he had a crazy money hungry wife and crazy at that, that Mel had bad experiences with other races and he is feed up with it, so if everybody where to make here opinions know we all would be in the mouths of other and no one will come to our houses because we are mean.
and for al of leonardo dicaprio fans he is not all that, to me he can make love stories and kids film but a real man movie he could not.
AMEN!!!!!!
People need to give Mel his due!!!! He is an increibly talented actor/director!! From what I have heard he is a fun-loving prankster on his sets!!!! And the general public has no idea what it takes to do what he does! I am sure he will find someone equally talented as Leo (maybe even more!) for his new viling movie!
I’m actually relieved. Leonardo DiCaprio as a Viking? Don’t make me laugh.
I’m sure Gibson can find someone better, and his movie is going to be a hit anyways. Which must upset people who are crying about his outburst terribly.
He hates jews, blacks and gold diggers yet still somehow finds the time of day to make smashing box office success stories.