When conducting an interview with Leona Lewis, it is best to set a tape recorder running because, should you fall asleep with tedium (an absolutely certainty), you’ll still get a document of the words she says.
Alas, the problem is, is that, when you listen to those same words back, you’ll fall into a coma all over again, leaving you with a predicament. hecklerspray tends to rig a car battery to the soft, delicate skin of the genital area to keep us from wholly passing-out.
And yet, despite this, Leona Lewis has the audacity to suggest that she isn’t boring at all. She’s not boring, because she says she isn’t boring. Not because she actually wants to tell us of the non-boring things she indulges in. She won’t even talk about her curdling hatred of cats.
See, Leona is tired of being called ‘boring’ by people like us.
She knows that she’s quieter (not when she’s booming out some gut-spasming ballad, again) and less risque than pop stars like Lady GaGa, Rihanna and Daniel O’Donnell… hell… she probably knows that she’s less risque than a single, lonely glove, curling around around a fence post in the rain.
However, she thinks she has other things to offer to fans of her music.
“I don't care what anyone says. I'm not boring. Unless you know me, I don't really care about your opinions. I couldn't care less.”
“Lady Gaga does her crazy thing and she is great. I definitely have something different to offer. I'm all about the music and songs.”
Get that? She’s all about the music and the songs. So has she got some of the greatest songwriters in the universe to pen hits for her?
Step forward Ne-Yo and Jessie J.
Jesus. What a boring, boring bore she izzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
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james says
Actually the so called “cool , hip , people” are boring to me. You’re all a bunch of followers.
Leona’s the best female singer out there under 30. And she’s a strong enough person to be herself.
That’s enough for me. The cool popular people have always been boring to me. And they are normally less intelligent.
Now all you cool people go have a conversation and say the word “like” a million times in every sentence.
Losers.
dug says
the colomist is full of crap and boring as hell, she is world class and all you are trying to do is put her down and ruin her career
SewerUrchin says
I love how “james” is whinging about the “cool kids” and such. He sounds like a petulant teenager in some god-awful American high school rom com. Besides, this is a website that mocks celebrities. I find it funny, but I doubt the writers are the apotheosis of cool.
As for dug, the writers would have to be fucking ambitious to try to ruin someone’s career by calling them boring. They’re expressing an opinion, you punctuation-phobic scrote. If I slag off…. I dunno, Richard Littlejohn, I’m not attempting to ruin his career, I’m expressing my opinion that he’s a porcine, shitdribbling thundercunt.
In fact, dug, YOU ARE TRYING TO RUIN THE CAREERS OF HECKLERSPRAY GRUNTS, YOU MONSTER.
Anyway. Leona Lewis is exactly the same as every other identikit howler of saccharine shite who prefers warbling like she’s sat on a vibrating chair to just singing the fucking song. Therefore, she is boring.
Plus, she looks like the result of Dreamworks making a CGI film about the secret lives of camels, and one camel who wants to… I don’t know, enter the Grand National or something. Seriously, can’t you just see her as the main camel’s love interest? Also, the main camel’s curmudgeonly Dad who hates horse racing and opposes the whole notion could be physically based on Mickey Rourke. It’d probably do OK at the box office, if Pixar didn’t release some tear-jerking CGI gubbins at the same time.
I’m wasting my life, I should be pitching mind-numbingly dull ideas to movie executives. And you can’t get much more mind-numbingly dull than Leona Lewis.