To all of you out there who have spent the past five years thinking “How am I single when Lena fucking Dunham got a man??”, 2018 is definitely your year because that bitch is now single af.
I’m going to assume that after a five year long distance internet relationship, Jack Antonoff finally gave in and actually met Lena Dunham, realized she was absolutely AWFUL, then dumped her immediately.
Multiple sources are saying that Jack and Lena have ended things amicably after a five-year relationship and both wish each other the best, no hard feelings, they just grew apart, blah blah blah. Basically all the usual shit.
While I’d love to stick to my theory that things ended because Jack came out of his weird, hipster mind warp and realized that Lena Dunham is literally the absolute fucking worst, Jack Antonoff kind of seems utterly terrible, too. I mean, have you ever taking the time to look at this guy? Here he is:
He looked like the biggest Jewish hipster in Brooklyn, but co-wrote “Look What You Made Me Do” with Taylor Swift. That literally tells you everything you need to know about Jack Antonoff. He’s like a pretentious asshole who makes fun of other people for not knowing obscure authors, but then goes home and listens to Nickelback.
I honestly think my worst nightmare would be if someone forced me to watch a Lena Dunham and Jack Antonoff sex tape. Like, that might actually be one of my layers of hell. I can’t decide if its the layer before or after sitting at a table with Jayden and Willow Smith and just listening to them have a conversation, but it’s pretty high up there.
Anyway, these two trolls are broken up now and I really do hope it’s amicable because heaven forbid they have to fight for custody over Taylor Swift.