Proper news organisations have all sorts of grown up codes and practices. So imagine if they were having a slow news day and had to report on less important articles like Lee Ryan? We imagine that a piece about one of life?s biggest blips would go along the lines of saying; ?Lee Ryan, bad boy of pop band Blue has been living up to his reputation of causing chaos on a night out on the town.?
But here at the hecklerspray hole, we know that Lee Ryan has never had a credible reputation as a popstar or as a hard man. A yoghurt that's gone a day past its expiry date poses more of a threat.
However, our number one bruv has been in bother with the authorities before. A few years ago, he was fined ?500 after attacking a taxi driver following a crash in Surrey. Maybe our Lee’s given up on singing and is now imitating superheroes by getting involved in brawls, but not saving anyone. This particular epic struggle took place at his birthday party in June.
Why we weren't invited to the birthday celebrations of Lee Ryan is beyond us. It isn't like we've ever fallen out or anything. Well, there was that one time he dropped the ?c? bomb on us after we had a snigger at his appearance on reality show Hell?s Kitchen. Surely the skills he picked up could be transferred to his local kebab shop where Lee could claim the title of chief meat botherer? Hell, he could probably stab us all to death in a really artistic way if he really wanted to.
The simplest of things can cause a full blown fight to erupt. It could be from political differences, pointless hate over supporting a rival football team or even the classic scenario of someone accidentally looking at your drink. We don't know what happened at?Lee Ryan’s big bash to cause such a kerfuffle, but we imagine that someone disagreed with Lee?s stance on elephants. After all, the Blue singer does feel that the victims of September 11th weren't as important as the tusked creatures. We wonder if he knows where ivory comes from? But from reports, we've heard that:
?The singer had invited dozens of people to an Oxford nightclub, charging ?10 for tickets, but a row inside spilled into the street.?
we're aware that the world's economy has gone belly up and everybody is looking to save money where possible, but charging people to get into your own birthday bash? Christ knows what the payment is for. Perhaps Lee did have good intentions and wanted to give anyone attending more than just a party bag containing a slab of cake, hat and rubbish toy. That said, if he was broke, he could’ve sold left-over copies of Blue?s albums before they're all shipped off to North Korea to be used as coasters.
At this point we?d argue that fining someone a laughable ?80 for improper conduct is a joke to justice and hardly a dent in the finances of someone with ?celeb status. But then again, the judge knows that the perpetrator was Lee Ryan, a bloke who is close to joining a local busking band as backing vocalist in order to make some pennies. So the amount is fair, it'll take him months to repay in weekly 5p instalments.
But we don't like to see a bruv in peril. Therefore, we're offering a staggering ?50 for Lee Ryan to come play at the ‘spray bedsit Christmas party. It'll be a hoot. And full of knock off booze and, most importantly, pointless fist fights.
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