Joy Division once grimly said that love will tear us apart.
It’s almost like Ian Curtis was the Nostradamus of predicting how long couples will last. Sitting in a specially adapted room, he’d glance at a pair of lovebirds before uttering “six months”, “forever” or “half an hour”.
One person who could have benefited from this genius prediction system is born-again popstar Lee Ryan. Our favourite taxi driver beater and failed chef has appeared to have a very public tiff with his lover Samantha Miller. Ladies, dust off your seductive lingerie – the clueless moron could be back on the market!
From the beginning, we never had high hopes for this relationship. The pair didn’t exchange glances across a crowded Wetherspoons pub or hilariously clash trolleys in the George section of Asda. It was much more romantic than that. For some unknown reason, Samantha Miller was a fan of the processed garbage otherwise known as Blue, the group Lee Ryan partly whines with.
She sent him revealing pictures via MySpace, and from there the rest is history. After a year of sending badly-spelt messages back and forth, the two became a couple and later had a baby. When we tried sending sexy snaps of ourselves to people like Megan Fox and Cheryl Cole, we just got court orders. Bloody typical.
In the past, we admit that we may have been slightly cruel to the person we now regard as our favourite popstar. However, this gem only cements our theory that Lee Ryan is a bit of tit and has quite frankly sentenced his own child to a life of misery. Until now, we were unaware but the Daily Mail reports:
“In December, Miller gave birth to their son Rayn Lee Amethyst, just a year after they first met. They wanted to use the letters in the name Ryan to make a new name for their son.”
Have you seen what they’ve done? Look very closely at the name of their offspring and you should see it! Lee’s surname is Ryan and their child’s name is Rayn. They either let a dyslexic name him, or they didn’t have the creative energy to call him Yar, Ay, Nar, Yan, Nr, Ran, Lee Ryan Jr or My Dad Is A Massive Bell-End.
While that’s an issue that can be fixed via deed poll when Rayn is old enough to run away from home and live in the forest with the woodland creatures, it doesn’t solve the current problem. The Daily Mail again reports that Lee and Samantha had a bit of a tiff. And not the sort where he bought Diet Coke instead of the full-on sugary kind. Instead, it was a very public outing which quite likely got people to stop what they were doing, point and laugh:
“The former Blue singer was seen storming out of a Mayfair hotel yesterday, followed by Miller, 26.When she managed to get him to stop Ryan, 26, appeared to shout at his wife-to-be. He was seen thrusting a fist full of bank notes at Samantha – signalling the row may have been over money. She was seen leaving a short time later looking shaken.”
Oh dear. We hope this isn’t going to hurt their upcoming wedding. Every day we hound the postman and ask him where our invite for the big event is. We also want to be the first place to bid for the wedding photos. We’ll start at £50 and a case of cherry lambrini.
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