Led Zeppelin To Tour! Sort Of! Well, Half Of Them!
Since their reunion last year, the planet has been clamouring for Led Zeppelin to keep it going and take a tour around the world.
And Led Zeppelin listen to their fans, which is why – at long last – the Led Zeppelin world tour has finally been announced. Imagine that – Jimmy Page, Robert Plant, John Paul Jones and John Bonham, all together again at last to smash through their hits for millions of fans around the planet. Except for John Bonham and Robert Plant, anyway – one’s dead and one can’t really be bothered.
But nevertheless, the two other members of Led Zeppelin are going on tour anyway, and they’re hiring a stand-in singer to take Robert Plant’s place. By our calculations, this means that in terms of quality the Plantless Led Zeppelin tour will fall somewhere between their Live Aid set with Phil Collins and that weird Olympic thing that Jimmy Page did with Leona Lewis. Talk about a win-win!
Probably the band we have the most respect for in the entire world is Queen. A little thing like their iconic lead singer dying of AIDS didn’t stop them from being able to make money – they just hired a new singer and toured a slightly ropey karaoke-style version of their greatest hits around, even though nobody alive could be expected to enjoy it. Genius.
However, Queen might be about to be usurped from their thrones, because Led Zeppelin have decided to go one better. Ever since they reformed last December at the O2, there’s been an inter-band struggle between Robert Plant; who thought the reunion should be a one-off – and the rest of the band; who want to tour their arses off, record a new album and generally earn enough money to keep them in fanny-sized mudsharks until the day they pop their clogs.
With the band at such a crucial impasse, someone had to make a tough decision. Does Led Zeppelin keep its dignity and refuse to tour unless everyone is involved, or does it sell out, hire a random shitcake stand-in singer and rake in the cash hoping nobody notices?
Oh. The second one. NME reports:
Led Zeppelin will tour with a replacement for founding singer Robert Plant, bassist John Paul Jones has confirmed… Jones has now told BBC Radio Devon that the band are trying out “a couple” of alternative singers for a proposed tour. “We want to do it,” he explained. “It’s sounding great and we want to get on and get out there.”
Apparently one of the replacement singers that Led Zeppelin are trying out is Myles Kennedy, a man who may as well be that turd out of Nickelback from what we’ve been able to work out.
Maybe Led Zeppelin will stick to one replacement singer, or maybe they’ll work on a rotation scheme like Have I Got News For You. Let’s hope it’s the latter, because if there’s anyone who we’d like to hear roar through Communication Breakdown it’s these guys.
But the main question is, if Led Zeppelin are really going to go through with these plans to tour without Robert Plant, can they really still call themselves Led Zeppelin? We don’t think so, and so we’ve drawn up a shortlist of five potential new names for the band to choose from:
1 – Not Zeppelin
2 – Half Of Led Zeppelin, The Dead Bloke’s Son And Someone Who May As Well Be That Turd Out Of Nickelback From What We’ve Been Able To Work Out
3 – Velvet Revolver
Take your pick, chaps.
As long as they don’t call it Led Zeppelin, and as long as it’s loud, let’s boogie!
“Steve’s love for Led Zeppelin manifested itself publicly in 1998 when he debuted “On This Day In Led Zeppelin History” as a daily blurb included on the Usenet newsgroup alt.music.led-zeppelin.”
HAHAHahahaa jesus christ
What?
if nothing else, i find somewhat dubious the implied assertion that you weren’t blathering on about “Zep” to any idiot dumb enough to ignore the cautionary plumage of your black tshirt and get into earshot
the rest, i think, is the somewhat pitiful way that you have attached your ego to a rather embarrassing relic of rock n’ roll’s sordid past to such a degree that you show up on satirical gossip sites and imply that the band name used by a bunch of nerd drug addicts is somehow sacrosanct.
don’t worry, i’m sure that at this very moment, another worthless piece of out-of-warranty humanity is having the same feeling about the fetid carcass of guns n’ roses
Led Zeppelin without Robert Plant ? I saw Journey this fall without Steve Perry… Based on seeing about half of the people leave before the show had ended, I would leave it alone until Plant can work things out and tour with these guys. This would be like seeing Wings without Paul McCartney. I won’t be there to watch some “wanna be”. I got a good idea… How about the Rolling Stones with Carey Underwood fronting ? Yea, now that would at least draw a crowd. Leave it alone Page until you have it ALL…