The first rule of writing is ‘write what you know’, but try telling that to Lauren Conrad from The Hills.
How could Lauren Conrad write what she knows? She doesn’t know anything. Tell Lauren Conrad to write what she knows and she’ll end up handing you a Post-It note with ‘My doggy looks cute in a hat’ written in Crayola on one side and a drawing of what appears to be a thalidomide monkey with a plantpot on its head on the other.
Oh, we’re just jealous. Lauren Conrad has written a book, and now she’s going to turn it into a film. Possibly.
Lauren Conrad is probably most famous for being the least-awful star of The Hills, although that’s not really saying much – if MTV signed the Unabomber up for a multi-episode arc on The Hills, there’s a fairly strong chance that he’d come across as endearing and convivial next to the likes of Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag.
And it’s because of this that Lauren Conrad has spent the last year desperately attempting to branch out. She won’t be appearing in any more episodes of The Hills, because she’s decided to become a writer.
Last year it was announced that Lauren Conrad was going to pen a fiction series called LA Candy for HarperCollins, detailing the rise of a completely fictional young girl – let’s call her Flauren Bomrad for the sake of argument – from a nobody to a gigantic celebrity thanks to her part in the (fictional) hit show The Hilly Part Of Los Angeles. Or something. It was an imaginative work of fiction, anyway.
And now Lauren Conrad is turning LA Candy into a movie. Or, to be more accurate, she wants to turn LA Candy into a movie. Or, to be more accurate, she’s thinking about possibly wanting to turn LA Candy into something that some people might vaguely consider to faintly resemble a film. Sort of. MTV reports:
Conrad recently revealed to the Daily News that she is interested in adapting her novel to the big screen. “We’re hoping for a movie deal,” Conrad said. “I’m working on [adapting the book for the movies] right now, but I don’t want to commit to anything until I see all my options. We have had a lot of exciting news in that respect, though.”
Quite right. It’s very astute of Lauren Conrad to want to hold fire until all the options are presented to her. For instance, if she rushes in and agrees to turn LA Candy into a TV show that will only be broadcast on a single barely-watched Bolivian cable channel, she might miss the opportunity to make it into a direct-to-DVD low-budget movie shot entirely in someone’s basement on a VHS camcorder starring Lou Diamond Phillips as all the characters. She’s a clever businesswoman, that Lauren Conrad.
Oh, we’re just kidding. We’re big fans of Lauren Conrad, so we’ll definitely watch the LA Candy movie. If it’s shown on a long-haul flight that we happen to be on. And it’s the only entertainment choice. And we’ve forgotten to pack a book. And it’s too turbulent to sleep. And, for whatever reason, we’re unable to drink ourselves unconscious. And someone is literally holding a gun to our head.
In that situation, yes, we’ll almost definitely consider watching some of it.
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