Latest Anna Nicole Paternity News: Bill O’Reilly Dragged Into The Weird Mix

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March 16th, 2007 at 13:30 by Shawn Lindseth

Bill O’Reilly Frederic Von Anhalt Suing Ten Million Fraud Lawsuithecklerspray's gotta get something off it's chest. In January '06 we… There's a strong possibility that… It's like this - we once… Oh why is this so hard?

We think we're the father of baby Dannielynn - there, we said it! It sounds ridiculous but hear us out. In January of '06 our left nut exploded in a food court sending a cloudy spoo-spore to mist up our immediate vicinity. Then, not two minutes later we're pretty sure we smelled Anna Nicole Smith. Keep in mind that in Early '06 Smith's preferred scent was 'Beef Burrito' - it's from the Britney Spears line we think. It was unmistakable.

Assuming Smith walked some of her ripe girl-eggs through our all-encompassing sperm-cloud, darn it all that baby is probably ours! It's obvious isn't it? She looks just like us - have you seen the 'recent posts'  bar on her right shoulder? It's undeniable we tell you!

But we desperately hope that our recent claims don't get Bill O'Reilly to call us a fraud on-air like he did to that other paternity claimant. Apparently that's what happened recently, and now the would be father - Zsa Zsa Gabor's husband - is suing him for ten million dollars.

The Anna Nicole Smith baby battle is incredibly interesting. So far at least 6 'entities', let's call them, have claimed to have exploded-out half of Dannielynn's genetic make-up - 1) The lawyer Howard K. Stern, 2) The photographer Larry Birkhead, 3) The long-dead husband J Howard Marshall (via ice cube trays or something), 4) The bodyguard Alex Denk, 5) A very shy, attention avoiding but well-written British website, and lastly 6) Prince Frederic Von Anhalt - who we heard may or may not be related to Dracula. That last one, the maybe Dracula-guy, well he's responsible for today's commotion. The man done sued Bill O'Reilly. He tells his side of the story in court documents filed:

"On or about February 23, 2007 on the O'Reilly Factor, Defendants O'Reilly, Fox, and Does 1 - 50, inclusive, and each of them, orally published false and unprivileged statements concerning Plaintiff. Such statements included one stating on a nationally televised TV show, the O'Reilly Factor, that the Plaintiff is a "fraud" with respect to Plaintiff's claim of potentially fathering Anna Nicole Smith's Child Dannilynn."

Sounds hardcore, right? Well of course it does. The implied hardcore-ness does not, however, mean Prince Adam (or whatever his name was) is foolish enough to believe he is definitely the father. We know this because regarding his paternal announcements, Zsa Zsa's hubby also said:

"It could be me, it could be another three, it could be another ten, who knows? … I know when I have an affair with someone I don't ask what you did yesterday and what you do tomorrow. Those are the rules when you're in bed!"

And the good prince didn't even mention the non-bed food court sperm-clouds. Pregnancy sure can happen lots of ways.

Read More:

Factor This: O'Reilly Sued Over Name-Calling Incident - TMZ

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One Response to “Latest Anna Nicole Paternity News: Bill O’Reilly Dragged Into The Weird Mix”

  1. Jo Nah Says:

    Jesus… I thought Bill was the father for a second. Those are some shitty genes!

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