Last Of John Lennon’s FBI File Released, May Be Covered In Coffee Cup Stains

John Lennon was intrinsically evil. He loved Vietnamese communists, hated heaven, and once drank the pulpy juice from a freshly ground kitten.

Maybe we should note that the above statement is all assumption on our part - assumption based on a very valid premise. After all, who does the FBI keep files on? Villains, that's who. And who had their very own FBI villain-file? John Lennon, uh, that's who again.

That's right - there's no other rational explanation about it. The FBI has kept a very secretive file on J. Lennon for years, and up until just recently, all but ten pages of that file have gone public. Those last pages though, the FBI said would go unreleased because they could cause "…military retaliation against the United States."

Well now those last ten pages are out, and you wanna know what was on them?

John Lennon raised some serious hell in his day. Seriously, if you don't believe us you can ask him for $10. That's why God smote him to death. Lennon let his wife allegedly break up the Beatles, and he always refused to rhyme June with spoon, even though that's all anyone ever really wanted.

And the FBI knew all this too. That's why they had him under surveillance. And what the FBI saw, they wrote down and kept in a big fat file. That file has held the curiosity of many a Beatle-head over the years, and has been released to public view very slowly. In fact, in the end the FBI was only holding back 10 pages, and now even those have been released.

Remember the quote we gave a second ago that said something about the US government being concerned about military strikes against it for the contents of Lennon's file? Well, the feds exaggerated. The man who more or less pried the much coveted manilla folder out of the FBI's hand is named Jon Wiener, and he's been trying to get those documents for a long, long time. Here's what he said about the newly discovered contents:

"The content of the files released today is an embarrassment to the U.S. government. I doubt that Tony Blair's government will launch a military strike on the U.S. in retaliation for the release of these documents. Today, we can see that the national security claims that the FBI has been making for 25 years were absurd from the beginning."

And would you like to know precisely what was in the file? Nothing we didn't already know. As Wiener put it on thenation.com:

"The newly released documents contain only well-known information about Lennon's ties to New Left leaders and antiwar groups in London in 1970 and 1971. The information was provided by a foreign government, obviously Britain, whose name remains classified. These reports describe an interview with Lennon published in 1971 in the Red Mole, a London underground newspaper, in which, according to the document, LENNON emphasized his proletarian background and his sympathy with the oppressed and underprivileged people of Britain and the world. The documents, posted on the Internet at LennonFBIfiles.com, did contain one bit of information that had previously not been public: Lennon promised to help "finance the establishment of a left wing bookshop and reading room in London."

Makes you wonder if any government has a file on you, doesn't it? hecklerspray has files in three countries that we know of. There's China, who found us file-worthy after we smuggled three Mexicans in through a pencil-sized crack in the great wall. There's Somalia, who began watching us when we accidentally burned down their president's favourite internet cafe (it took him three weeks to check his MySpace page). And of course, there's the country of Chad, whose FBI is just pissed because we once refused them a slow dance.

Files happen folks, that's all we're saying.

Read More:

John Lennon FBI Files - lennonfbifiles.com