Lassie Come Home - The Remake

Crap dog fans rejoice! Lassie Come Home is being remade right now in Ireland.

A Batman remake we can take. A Superman remake we can understand. Even a Herbie remake doesn’t arouse too much despair. But the fact that someone is willing to remake Lassie (DVDs), the most heartbreakingly tedious rainy bank holiday afternoon film in the history of cinema, is a sure sign that Hollywood hasn’t just eaten itself, it’s fished the poo of itself out of the toilet and gulped that down as well.

Let’s try to keep your spirits up - although Lassie Come Home is
being remade, it’s not a modernisation in the style of The Italian Job (DVDs).
Lassie won’t be a street-smart robot ninja astronaut on the trail of
evil space pirates. Because that would be dreadful. "What’s that
Lassie? Evil Dr Kwarg has exploded the solar system? To the
galactocraft!"

No. Instead, it’s a serious remake, set in pre-war Yorkshire. A poor
northern family have to sell their dog Lassie to a Duke, but Lassie
doesn’t like him so makes it makes it’s way back to it’s owners,
encountering problems and helping strangers on the way.

Will a child want to watch this? Do kids want to see films about a
dinosaur biting the head off everyone in Los Angeles, or do they want
to see films about a helpful dog?

Peter O’Toole (DVDs) is reported to have taken the role of the Duke.
O’Toole famously hated Troy, the film he starred in last year, dubbing
it Trovis and comparing it to a Hovis advert. Troy, admittedly, was
rubbish. But it was a multi-million dollar blockbuster piece of rubbish based on a great
work of literature set in a blazing hot desert. And he thought that it was
like a Hovis advert! What’s he going to make of Lassie?

Lassie Come Home is filming now - in Dublin for tax purposes - and will be out next year.

[story by Stuart Heritage]