It appears that Larry King and his wife are keen to call off the divorce that they announced last week.

This is either brilliant news or terrible news. It could be terrible news because everybody knows that Larry King collects divorces, and getting eight of the little fellas would have marked an all-time personal best for him. If this divorce falls through, then Larry King will have to resort to his fall-back collections – of liver spots and personal memories of the 16th century. They’re good collections, but they’re not great collections.

But it could just as easily be brilliant news. After all, if Larry King has managed to convince his wife not to divorce him – after he reportedly had sex with her sister – then it’s a stone-cold testament to the raw sexual magnetism of Larry King. Oh don’t deny it, he turn you on too.

Less than a week ago it looked like it was all over for Larry King and his wife Shawn Southwick. He filed for divorce, then she filed for divorce, and before you knew it people were claiming that he’d been sticking it to her sister for the last five years. But how can you stay mad at a sexual rhinoceros like Larry King? You can’t – sure, he might upset you sometimes, but only a fool would let an untamed pneumatic sex machine of his calibre slip through their fingers.

That’s why some are claiming that Larry King and Shawn Southwick have reunited. ABC News reports:

According to his lawyers, there’s a chance the media personality will call off his divorce with Shawn Southwick. “I think he’s very worried about seeing his children, being with his children,” Susan Carter told ABCNews.com. “He just loves his kids. That steers it more than anything else for him.” “There’s a 50-50 chance this divorce is not happening,” King’s lawyer Dennis Wasser told People.

We… we just don’t know how to react to this. On one hand, we suppose we should be pleased that Larry King has realised that divorce isn’t always the answer – in actual fact it’s only the answer seven times out of every eight – and that sometimes, rather than immediately calling in the divorce lawyers, it’s just better to work through problems, stick with the one you love and then screw them over in your will once you die.

But there’s also another part of us that feels a sense of deep sadness at this news. After all, now that Larry King is back with Shawn Southwick, we know that he can never be ours. You’re a lucky woman, Shawn. Not everyone can go to bed with a man who looks like a two-year-old Benjamin Button and smells like a mixture of Vicks VapoRub and Werther’s Originals, you know. Cherish him, Shawn, for you don’t know how lucky you are.

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