Larry Birkhead: I’ll Sue To Prove I Didn’t Suck Off Howard Stern

It'll soon be the first anniversary of the death of Anna Nicole Smith's son - but any sadness you feel can be wiped out by the bewildering glee you get from that book about Larry Birkhead and Howard K Stern being secret gay lovers.

Probably the only two people in the world who care about Rita Cosby's 'Larry Birkhead and Howard Stern secret gay lovers' allegations enough to not find the whole thing mildly hilarious are Larry Birkhead and Howard K Stern themselves.  Unfortunately Larry Birkhead and Howard K Stern - the two opposing sides in this year's paternity war over Anna Nicole Smith's baby Dannielynn - are now planning to sue Rita Cosby for defamation in what Birkhead promises will be "one of the most expensive lawsuit settlements in book-publishing history." And if Larry Birkhead and Howard K Stern win the lawsuit, they'll have a great big kiss. Not with tongues, though - they're not gay.

Larry Birkhead is the man with it all - he's got custody of Anna Nicole Smith's baby, who could be worth hundreds of millions of dollars in years to come, plus he's been on the front of all the magazines and he's the trademarked the creepiest catchphrase in all the land. What else could Larry Birkhead possibly want? A book claiming that Larry Birkhead and Howard K Stern were gay lovers who secretly colluded over Anna Nicole Smith's estate and who performed oral sex on each other on a video that Anna Nicole Smith regularly watched in bed? Well it must be Larry Birkhead's lucky day.

Rita Cosby's book Blonde Ambition: The Untold Story Behind Anna Nicole Smith's Death has been causing quite a stir lately, mainly because all the Larry Birkhead/Howard K Stern gay sex tales contained within have royally aggravated the men in question. Already Rita Cosby's Anna Nicole Smith interview on the Today show has been cancelled because NBC is worried about being stung with a lawsuit, and now Larry Birkhead has made it very clear that he'll sue the whole world if he needs to, just to prove that he never put Howard Stern's penis in his mouth. The Associated Press reports:

"This is going to be one of the most expensive lawsuit settlements in book-publishing history," Birkhead told The Associated Press Tuesday. Stern also planned to "file and aggressively pursue a libel case" against Cosby and her publishers, his attorney, L. Lin Wood, said Tuesday. "The more information I have received over the last several days about Ms. Cosby's book, the more convinced I am that she has, as a practical matter, authored a work of pure fiction," Wood said in a statement… "It's totally false and defamatory," Birkhead said. "This book is fueled by Internet gossip and tabloid reports. She never once tried to contact me or Howard to see if any of these things were true."

For what it's worth, though. Rita Cosby is standing tall in the face of these threats, saying that everything in the book was vetted by an attorney and that she has nothing to hide. With both Rita Cosby and Larry Birkhead and Howard K Stern being so stubborn in this matter, it'll be interesting to see how the ensuing lawsuit spins out, if one every actually reaches a court.

But let's not forget that the real victim in all of this is baby Dannielynn - a motherless baby who can never be expected to have a normal life and now has to deal with rumours that her daddy may have secretly been boning the man who pretended to be her daddy for the first few months of her life. Dannielynn turns one tomorrow - about the time when babies speak their first words. What's the betting that Dannielynn's will be "Arrrrrrrrgh!"?

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Larry Birkhead To Sue Over New Book - The Associated Press