And make interminable pop videos. You know, that sort of thing. But the list of things that Lady Gaga can’t do is shorter – until yesterday it mostly included advanced particle physics and being able to exercise restraint. But now we can add one more thing to that list – standing up properly.
Yes, Lady Gaga fell over in an airport yesterday. And, yes, we’re reporting what’s basically a mediocre You’ve Been Framed skit as news. Don’t forget to join us tomorrow, when we’ll bring you a breaking story about Lady Gaga accidentally showing her knickers to someone’s grandmother while getting off a rowing boat and/or being smacked in the testicles by a child with a cricket bat.
If you ask us, this is definitely the start of the Lady Gaga backlash. Sure, last month Lady Gaga was flavour of the month with her songs about telephones and videos about telephones and hair shaped like telephones, but that’s all ancient history now.
First came Lady Gaga’s Alejandro video, which had all the length of her Telephone video but was about as much fun as pissing pins. Then came Jerry Seinfeld’s anti-Gaga statement yesterday. And now even gravity itself is against her. That’s right, Lady Gaga fell over at Heathrow airport yesterday.
But what if knowing that Lady Gaga fell over yesterday isn’t enough? What if you want to read a description of it that makes the act of Lady Gaga falling over sound like the Charge Of The Poxy Light Brigade? Then, friends, you need the New York Daily News:
Lady Gaga fell flat on her face yesterday when she tried to sashay through Heathrow airport in a pair of thigh-high, black-leather boots with massive platform heels. Instead of making a statement, the boundry-pushing performer became a fashion victim as she tumbled to the floor. Gaga was quickly helped back to her feet by a black-clad gent and managed to hoof it out without any more mishaps.
So, to summarise this bewilderingly complex story as best we can, we’ve decided to break it down into three parts. Read the following slowly, because it’s the only way that the colossal magnitude of the event can be properly conveyed…
1 – Lady Gaga went to an airport.
2 – Lady Gaga fell over at the airport.
3 – Actually, no, there are only two parts to this story. The third part is entirely superfluous. Sorry.