Kylie To Leave Us All Alone

March 5th, 2005 at 17:06 by C J Davies

Tedious-yet-bizarrely-lauded ‘pop pixie’ Kylie Minogue has told the world where to shove it and announced her plans to move to a remote isolated island.

Apparently, French Island, positioned a good distance off the coast of Melbourne, has ‘no power, sewers or sealed roads, and only 90 other residents for Kylie to share with.’ Anyone who’s ever been to Grimsby should know what to expect.

hecklerspray sincerly hopes… no, prays nightly to the God Of Crap Celebrities that other such turgid cultural ‘icons’ decide to follow in Ms. Minogue’s footsteps.

With a bit of luck, we could be seeing the blessed backs of menopausal gap-toothed valkyrie Madonna and her ulcer-inducingly pointless husband Guy Ritchie.

Maybe they’ll finally see sense and do the decent thing. You know, like moving to an island populated entirely by mad pygmy cannibals who believe that either:

a) MOR wagon-jumping blandpop, or…

b) appallingly-scripted ‘gangstahhh thrillaaahs’ are cardinal sins punishable by only the most excruitiating demise.

It’s so easy to imagine. Just close your eyes and dream …

More Kylie Malarkey Over At Digital Spy

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