If the country suddenly caught fire – which, let's face it, is looking more and more likely with each new day – we suspect that the two things the British public would want to run back and save the most are Doctor Who and Kylie Minogue.
Doctor Who and Kylie Minogue, you see, are national treasures, like Princess Diana and stroppy bus drivers – so imagine the vortex of joy that would be created if Kylie Minogue and Doctor Who teamed up. Now imagine if Kylie Minogue and Doctor Who teamed up on Christmas Day teatime, when the country is packed so full of food and booze that it can only show its appreciation by rocking backwards and forwards on its back and howling like a walrus. Now stop imagining all that because a) it's a slightly disturbing mental image and b) Kylie Minogue and Doctor Who really are teaming up for Christmas. And if we liked either Doctor Who or Kylie Minogue we're sure we'd be thrilled.
Doctor Who is the nearest thing Britain has to a universally-loved TV show at the moment – everyone from geeks to gays to kids love to tune in every Saturday teatime and watch the spacey exploits of the Doctor in a universe of slightly cheap-looking computer animation. And let's not forget that Doctor Who begat Torchwood, the Baywatch Nights of ridiculous immortal Wales-based sexy Doctor Who spin-offs. And Doctor Who has been in The Beano. And Doctor Who wins awards all over the place. Which, you have to admit, isn't bad for a TV show about the universe's most annoying man gooning around and doing the universe's worst impression of a local radio DJ.
But now Doctor Who may have met his match in his co-star for this year's Christmas special – it's Kylie Minogue, a billing that's really caught the imagination of anyone who's never sat with their sphincter clenched in embarrassment throughout the entire duration of Kylie's Street Fighter movie. Or Bio-Dome. Or The Delinquents. But, hey, at least Kylie Minogue got a very efficient robot to give her Doctor Who statement, as Reuters reports:
The BBC said Minogue, 39, would play a "major lead role" alongside Dr Who actor David Tennant. The hour-long episode, "Voyage of the Damned", will start filming in Cardiff, Wales, in July. "It is an incredible thrill to be joining David and the entire Dr Who production for this year's Christmas special," said Minogue. "Dr Who enjoys a unique history and it is going to be very exciting to be a part of that."
Appearing on Doctor Who would be another strong sign of a comeback for Kylie, obviously. Ever since her moving post-Cancer interview, Kylie Minogue has slowly been reminding the world of who she is again, via the magic of opportunistic children's books and wearing clothes sometimes. Until her new album is released, larking about on the Christmas Doctor Who will be the best way for Kylie Minogue to remind everyone what a beloved cultural icon she is. Or, at the very least, Kylie's drum-tight facial skin will provide the nation with an opportunity to discuss how much work they think she's had done on it. Still, one thing's for sure – Kylie Minogue could mess up her Doctor Who appearance beyond repair and she'd still be better than Catherine Tate was last year.
In other news, Dannii Minogue has signed up for the Christmas TV special of Manimal. As Manimal.
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Internet Pedant says
There’s a rumour that there’ll be a surprise appearence by an original science fiction storyline; but that’s yet to be confirmed.
Amy says
Has anyone actually seen Minogue act? Dr. Who for all its faults is not just a silly programme, it’s great stuff! If she wants to act then she should give the soaps a call, they don’t need her to do anything but recite lines. We expect more than that from our Dr. Who actors/actresses. I mean, we’ve had the great Derek Jacobi, Anne Reid, John Simms, Simon Pegg, etc. Kylie Minogue should NOT be added to the list!
Amy says
Just wanted to add that Catherine Tate was just awful last year. Dreadful!
Kath says
Oh my God NO!!!!!
I am completely mortified at the prospect of Kylie being in my Favourite wekkly Sci-Fi show. What was RTD thinking!!!!!!!!
Joanne says
BBC’s website says Catherine Tate is going to be his new assitant for series 4!
Amy says
Catherine Tate? are these people trying to ruin Dr. Who? she was dreadful last year, all she did was amalgamate all her characters on The Catherine Tate Show and that was it for her appearance on Dr. Who, she just shrilled her way through the whole thing. We know Russell T Davies is leaving so is he trying to sabotage the series?
Minogue and Tate, heaven help us.
flierpa says
i really hope tate doesn’t do tate when she’s the assistant… tennant and tate will be feuding for attention in that case. not good.
Duncan says
What a waste of out license fees.Paying useless celebrities to astronomical fees to ruin a TV show..they cannot act and Uk is full of ACTORS who can act well and cannot get jobs , because a dwarf gimp like Minogue wants to be center stage. She may not like to know it but hell there are bigger issues than her and her narcissistic wish to be an Icon and the endless para about her “brave” fight with a wee lump.Jeez it was 2.5 + years ago. get over it.And her new media trick of making sure she has an envelope showing to paps saying stuff like ..Phone Madonna,phone geotge Lucas,Phone re leak… OMG how disingenuous and frankly unprofessional.Now she is going to fart around not acting badly in Dr Who… dear god..Who declared her a national monument and for what..Singing nasally and such drek beat box for kiddy disco.?
Truewhofan says
What do ordinary film and TV viewers think of Kylie as an actress?
Here are the IMDB ratings for all the movies Kylie Minogue has had a major acting
Role in :
· (5.58) – The Magic Roundabout (2005)
· (5.22) – The Delinquents (1989)
· (4.76) – Sample People (2000)
· (4.05) – Cut (2000/I)
· (3.71) – Bio-Dome (1996)
· (3.01) – Street Fighter (1994)
· (2.68) – Doogal (2006)
Thousands of people agree she is an appalling actress. RTD should NOT have cast her.
I’m looking forward, though, to the deathly silence from Who fans on Boxing Day…..
Mel says
Hmmm yes indeed, Dr Who is a fantastic show and David Tennant is an immensely fantastic actor and GORGEOUS. I actually thought Catherine Tate wasn’t too bad, somewhat over the top maybe, but it still didnt detract from the Doctor and they kind of complimented each other. As for Kylie, I do expect much better for a show of this calibre with actors of the calibre that they usually have appearing on it.
njmarlo says
yes, dr who is a fantastic show. that is due to both the actors and those who chose them.
if kylie couldnt act, she would not have be selected. ask anyone who has attended the horrific cattle call, they will certainly attest to the rigors ordered by the producers in order to be selected.
producers and directors arent the most polite people on the planet. either you have the talent, or you told to grab your hat and hurry so the back door doesnt hit you on the way out.