Kylie Minogue Gets A Sort Of MySpacey Thing All About Her

Social networking has literally revolutionised the way you keep in touch with people you didn't want to be friends with in the first place, but Kylie Minogue has identified one very serious design flaw.

That is, social networking is fine, but by and large people don't talk about Kylie Minogue very much. Happily, though, Kylie Minogue has remedied this by creating a Facebook-style social network site that's all Kylie Minogue all the time. KylieKonnect is the place where Kylie Minogue fans can register their details, keep in closer contact with Kylie than ever before and share their passion for all things Kylie with all the other Kylie fans in the world. Needless to say, KylieKonnect is probably the gayest little website the world has ever seen.

Kylie Minogue has beaten cancer for a long time now, and she's sufficiently better to release a new single and album this month. That means, finally, that we can stop calling her 'Brave Kylie' and start calling her 'Mediocre Comeback Single Kylie' instead. But watching a middle-aged woman stumbling around on top of a piano isn't how you get the kids to like you any more - no, you need the internet for that now.

And that's why some genius has decided to plunge Kylie Minogue head-first into the world of social networking with the launch of KylieKonnect (see that? They spelt 'connect' with a 'K'! It must be FROM THE FUTURE!). KylieKonnect is Kylie Minogue's slightly egomaniacal attempt to out-do MySpace and Facebook by offering fans the chance to keep their own blogs, upload photos and communicate with other users, so long as you only discuss Kylie Minogue and nothing else unless you want a soldier to come round your house and smash up your computer while humming The Locomotion to punish your insolence.

Anyway, the people behind KylieKonnect have come to the surprising conclusion that KylieKonnect is actually quite brilliant - like the woman in charge of the company that designed it, Julia McNally, who said:

"The whole thing is set up so that Kylie can update her blog and have a closer connection with fans."

Now, we're buggered if we're going to actually sign up to KylieKonnect to tell you what it's like - there's only so far we'll go for you people - but even without any of that we've been able to read the blog that Kylie Minogue probably pays someone to write for her and watch the KylieKonnect introductory video where Kylie Minogue pronounces the words 'social networking' like she's trying to translate an ancient alien language that she's never heard of before. And, to be fair, that was probably enough.

But, hey, KylieKonnect is social networking! And social networking is all about the people who use it, so maybe the Kylie fans will liven things up a bit, starting all sorts of discussions like "What's going on with Kylie Minogue's face?" "I think Kylie's new single is rubbisher than you do", "Why are people letting Kylie Minogue act in the new Doctor Who? Haven't they ever seen Street Fighter?" and "Kylie or Dannii - who gives a shit, frankly".

Despite our cynicism, though, there's every chance that KylieKonnect will catch on and spawn hundreds of imitators. Personally, we can't for RazorlightKonnect to get going, because it's thought that'll be the social networking site that most accurately captures the feeling of sitting in the desert all alone with nobody to talk to, wondering what went so very wrong with your life.