Kylie Jenner, being the rich, sexy, culturally appropriating teen that she is, is currently celebrating her 19th birthday on a Yacht in Turks and Caicos with a series of mega babe models, kind-of-babe celebs by Jenner association, and Donkey from Shrek turned human, Tyga.
I assume Kylie paid for Tyga’s airfare, drinks, scuba diving lessons, food, chlamydia medication, etc., since right before they left for this extravagant birthday celebration, a warrant was released for Tyga’s arrest because he didn’t show up to court for being sued by a former landlord who he, you know, forgot to pay rent to.
Before I go any further on this shit, I would like to point out that Kylie Jenner legit looks like she is having the best 19th birthday ever. She’s getting wasted on a yacht with models and bitches she made famous because they hang out with her and now try to sell waist trainers on Instagram.
On my 19th birthday my girlfriends paid my cover so I could go into this club, Etomik, just to drop stink bombs. They couldn’t come in with me because they’d already gotten banned for stink bombing the place a few times. I literally stink bombed a dance club alone, then ran out of there and probably got waffle fries, so needless to say, Kylie’s 19th birthday really tops mine.
However, I in no way would wish to trade my 19th birthday for hers, because at the end of the day, I didn’t have to finish my 19th birthday by paying off hundreds of thousands of dollars of my can’t-even-book-a-college-tour-rapper boyfriend’s legal debt, probably paying his child support, and then having to have sex with him. I would rather spend my birthday stink bombing every club in this town rather than having sex with Tyga, who is basically social medias most famous hobo. And I legit mean hobo, because squatters are technically hobos, and just because you happen to squat in mansions doesn’t make you fancy. You can put your trash in gold coloured garbage bags, but it’s still just trash.
Anyway, I could go on a speel speculating how much Kylie 2.0’s Brazilian butt lift cost, but instead I’ll just post this picture of Bella Hadid, who is also in Turks and Caicos celebrating Kylie’s birthday. Yeah. I just really like Bella Hadid.