Kurt Cobain’s Zombie Identity Stolen… By Thieves!
Kurt Cobain has the easiest job in the world. All he has to do is blow around on a puff of cloud while looking like cremated-people ash, and he's still making a financial killing. A financial killing is actually a delightful change of pace when you consider what he killed last time. Anybody?
Anybody?
To be true, it's actually Kurt's social security number that's making all the money right now – because somebody apparently stole it. And they've compiled quite a list of acquisitions with the number too – two copies of Celebrity Skin, a Red Box rental for Man On The Moon, lots rehab lunches… the list really does go on.
Or maybe Courtney Love had nothing to do with the theft of Cobain's Social. Perhaps our sources are getting crossed.
Kurt Cobain's identity has been pinched, and the thieves haven't even bought anything good with it. We'd buy a helicopter. Or a 1982 unwrapped first edition Battle-Cat. It's the only one we need to complete our collection, and our He-Man's getting tired o' walkin'. Courtney Love has recently brought the misdeeds of the identity thieves to the attention of the police. According to the NME:
"Kurt Cobain’s estate has been the victim of a mass defrauding. It’s believed that £36 million has been taken from the Nirvana songwriter’s account since 2003, including $3.2 million used to buy a mansion in New Jersey."
Love elaborates:
"I did a check on my deceased husband’s social security number and he has a house in New Brunswick, New Jersey. He bought it last year. I would like to know how. He should probably get his ass back home if that is the case.”
The good news is we think we know how to put an end to this – go to the house. It's right there, isn't it? The police must have the address sitting on a desk somewhere in size 12 Times New Roman font. So we say someone uses that address, goes to that fancy New Jersey mansion, walks up to that golden porch, rings the bell, and then pops Eddie Vedder right in the teeth when he opens the door.
Well, who else did you think it'd be?
Read More:
Kurt Cobain Going To Rutgers, Apparently – Philadelphia Weekly
I wouldn’t hold it past Ms. Love to
unwittingly defraud herself.
I realize Courtney Love’s mental processes are slower than continental drift. Even so, it must be great to have so much money that it takes you 3 or 4 years to notice £36 million missing.
I lost a $20 eight years ago.
I searched for a week and can still feel the pain.