The Krypton Factor. To Britons of the right age, those three words conjure up all sorts of semi-nostalgic memories. Tuning into ITV and gazing up at Gordon Burn’s wise, beaming face was the best TV-based homework-avoidance-tactic this side of Knightmare.

Remember the videotape ’spot the difference’ competitions, with little dramatised scenarios so appallingly acted they made Hollyoaks (DVDs) look like Glengarry Glen Ross (DVDs)? Remember the blantantly unfair ‘obstacle course’ where the girls were granted a thirty-second headstart (come on, ladies, whatever happened to equality)? Remember the bit where everyone had to assemble a glorified jigsaw puzzle while fending off completely unjustified panic attacks?

Well, remember ye no more. For they may all be coming back ….

The BBC has been enjoying a Jesus-like splurge of ‘resurrection’ recently. Reworked renditions of classics such as University Challenge, Mastermind and Doctor Who have found themselves becoming regular patrons down the Big Ratings Inn (probably ordering pint after pint of ‘Success Ale’ while pointing and laughing at Nathan Barley as he scrapes longingly at the window).

It isn’t surprising, then, that BBC Entertainment Group Head Honcho Wayne Garvie has announced his intention to bring the late-eighties masterwork kicking and screaming back to our screens.

Great news, right? Well … maybe.

As overjoyed as hecklerspray is, we can’t help but hear those mental alarm bells a-ringin’. What are the odds that this will turn out to be some horrific reinvention; a classic format dragged willy-nilly through a computer graphics suite?

Could good old Gordon be hauled out of his seat and replaced by someone like Graham Norton (DVDs) or … Christ almighty … Ant & Dec (DVDs)?

And – speaking of Ant and Dec – hecklerspray to this day still remains unsure as to which one is which. Is Ant the one with the forehead so large that it could conceivably affect planetary alignments, or is he the one who looks like the supernaturally-gifted demonchild from Akira (DVD)?

It’s a puzzler, it really is …

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[story by C J Davies]