Imagine just how difficult it must be as a pregnant Kardashian – you’re body’s got incredibly large, fleshy lumps spilling over both sides, and your several dozen tiny bathing suits no longer fit. This is particularly a shame as they literally cost you thousands.

Perhaps these are all reasons why the recently pregnant Kourtney is telling us she considered the A-word as a means of baby disposal. Sure, if she goes through with the abortion it’ll probably be in the third trimester for a ratings boost, but now it looks like she’s gonna birth the kid as a ratings boost instead.

When Kourtney Kardashian gives birth on camera sometime during season two of her new reality show Kourtney & Khloe: They’re Miami’s Problem Now, they should consider a 3-D glasses tie in. That way the viewing audience could feel like the afterbirth is coming right at them – & that’s history-book television.

Plus it’s a distinct way for Kourtney to step way out of Kim’s shadow – that is until she gives birth too, and her supersized glutes allow her to rocket launch the baby into Reggie Bush’s waiting arms way down in an end zone. That’d be good television as well.

And poor Khloe – while her sister’s will still be famous for vaginally tossing babies all over the place, she’ll simply slink back obscurity until she starts doing those chunky-people dating shows. If she wins one of those, maybe then she can have a baby and be famous again.

As for Kourntey though – before she probably realized a TV birth would be huge for ratings, she was thinking about possibly clipping the baby out piece by piece sometime deep in trimester three. Maybe. After all, that too would be a ratings hike, and you could ‘to be continued…’ the episode just before the doctor pulls out the head.

That’s got Emmy written all over it. Not because she’ll get an Emmy award, but because that’s probably what she would have named her dead baby’s corpse.

Anyway – enough of us talking about grisly abortions – let’s hear it straight from Kourtney’s own mouth:

“I definitely thought about it long and hard, about if I wanted to keep the baby or not, and I wasn’t thinking about adoption…I do think every woman should have the right to do what they want, but I don’t think it’s talked through enough. I can’t even tell you how many people just say, ‘Oh, get an abortion.’ Like it’s not a big deal.”

Well we’re glad you’re not going through with it, K. Raising your kid is definitely the right thing to do. Plus – there will be plenty of time to slowly and agonizingly dismember your child after it’s born, anyway. You know, when it misbehaves. A one-armed toddler will never refuse to clean their room again, if you know what we’re saying.

That’s a parenting method we hear is popular in Bangladesh.

What a horrible country.

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