Kourtney Kardashian Does Horrific Things With Babies To Stay Fit

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Before we even start, we have absolutely no idea whether the person on the right is Kourtney Kardashian. Let us be honest with each other here – the famous sisters are so interchangeable and devoid of discernible talent that we’re never, ever sure.

That must be irritating for the Kardashian sisters that didn’t appear in that ‘leaked’ sex tape because we’re all under the assumption that we’ve seen them with nothing on.

Either way, all of that falls by the wayside as the Kourtney one from the Kardashians has been doing things with babies in a bid to keep fit.

Apparently, she’s been using children to get buff, which of course, means that she’s been getting newborns shipped to her house, so she can lift them like dumbbells or, getting the larger babies and stringing them up from her ceiling and punching ten shades of Cow & Gates out of them.

Right? Wait.

She says:

“I started training to shock my body into doing something I’m not really used to – I’ve noticed a difference.”

Like spiking children onto metal poles and lifting them like an Olympic weightlifter?

“I take Mason on lots of walks. Carrying him around is like carrying 20lbs all day – when he was a baby I’d do squats while holding him.”

Oh god! She’s some kind of monster!

“I’ll eat Oreo biscuits, but I’ll eat two instead of a whole box of them. I think you have to treat yourself once in a while”

Sure. You lure babies with your biscuit treats, use them as punchbags and then wolf down the biccies before throwing the used babies in a skip behind your house!

That’s what she means isn’t it?

If not, and we’ve got this wildly wrong, it’s okay because if anyone has a problem with her use of children as gym devices, people might beat her sisters up instead.

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