Knocked Up Salma Hayek Engaged To Billionaire, hecklerspray May Gift A Helicopter

True love is such a gift and a blessing to endure. We knew it once. We were married for over three weeks to the most wonderful woman in the world, and we would have stayed that way too, had Jolene been a little cooler about our 1,200 Blade Trinity posters on prominent display in the TV section of our basement apartment.

She hated them though. We were all "Baby, if you don't want to see them then stay out of our Mom's basement where we live." She couldn't do that though, because her stuff was down there too. An uncomfortable love-divide was created, and we hoofed it to our Dad's place where our only comfort was 2,200 meticulously kept Doom posters. 

Yes indeed, marriage can be hard, and we feel an obligation to warn everyone - one Mexican actress, though, well she won't heed our cries. Salma Hayek, an actress whose first name our spellcheck insists is salami, is marrying a French mega-billionaire whose got a chin like an Habsburg. It appears Hayek's bound and determined to go through with the whole marital mess, in part probably because she's got a little half-French Zygote cookin' down south, if you catch our drift.

Let's just get to the good stuff. Salma Hayek's slave made this announcement:

"Businessman, François-Henri Pinault, and his fiancée, Salma Hayek, are happy to announce they are expecting the arrival of their first child."

Hayek's husband to be, for those of you wondering, is a french billionaire whose father has been said to be on the top 100 richest people in the world list. François-Henri Pinault's French, and is reportedly quite fond of the Eiffel Tower, the colour white at the end of sticks, and has a jaw we'll only say is definitely three-dimensional. Well technically we're not really sure about all those factoids, but we can tell you the Frenchman is currently the CEO and Chairman of PPR SA, which is a company that owns Gucci among other things. No available wedding date has been set as yet.

hecklerspray has a few things to say about all this Salma Hayek pregnancy/engagement mumbo-jumbo. Firstly, for Salma Hayak's sake we hope the Frenchman has as firm a grip as Penelope Cruz. Secondly, will the loving couple please invite Oprah to the wedding? We're worried about consequences if she gets skipped again. Thirdly, what do you get a billionaire for a wedding gift? A helicopter? And if so, should it match their giant gold Alps-hidden chateau? And if that so is so, is gold's cumbersome weight really an efficient construction material for something that's supposed to be as maneuverable as a flighty whirlybird?

It really makes you think, you know?

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Salma Hayek Engaged, Expecting a Baby - Guardian Unlimited