Kiss Apply Their Massive Tongues To Grinding Coffee

So you wake up one groggy and slightly hungover Monday morning and realise you have a pounding headache. You climb out from under your KISS bed sheets and put on your Knights O’ Satan Slippers.

You give a weary salute to your KISS Army poster as you pass General Simmons, and vomit riotously into your Official Ace Frehly toilet. What do you need now? Coffee. And at long rock and roll last, KISS is prepared to spit it into your face.

That’s right soldiers, it’s time to pack your KISS (CDs) lunchbox and head off to the creepy tourist trap of Myrtle Beach, South Carolina, where the world’s first KISS coffee shop
will be opening this summer just off the main beach.

The
quintessentially Middle-American “family values” town is the perfect
spot for the coffee shop of a band once known for its blood-spewing,
fire-breathing, and purportedly satanic ways. At least that’s what
Brian Galvin, the man who conceived this bizarre experiment in
capitalism, insists. After all, who wants to “rock and roll all nite”
more than middle-aged tourists and their families? The ‘Frozen
Rockuccinos’ and ‘French KISS Vanillas’ served by the face-painted crew
will give them the caffeine boost to make it to at least 8:30, perhaps
even 8:45!
insists. After all, who wants to “rock and roll all
nite” more than middle-aged tourists and their
families? The "Frozen Rockuccinos" and "French KISS
Vanillas" served by the face painted crew will give
them the caffeine boost to make it to at least 8:30,
perhaps even 8:45!

Gene Simmons and Paul Stanley will be happily
appearing at the grand opening to waggle their tongues
and revel in publicity. Last month the band released a
double-disc concert DVD featuring one half the
original lineup limping through such classics as
"Unholy" and "Lick It Up," which the KISS Army eagerly
consumed. Stanley’s hip injury proves to be a pretty
serious hindrance to rocking out proper-like, and many
fans felt cheated by the exclusion of Ace and Peter
from the rocking. Not that we would know about these
feelings of betrayal. We are dispassionate observers
of the rock and roll milieu, and we really couldn’t
care less about ACE! PAUL! FOR GOD’S SAKE WE NEED
YOU!!!

sob!

Read more: http://www.myrtlebeachonline.com/mld/sunnews/business/13625157.htm
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Gene Simmons and Paul Stanley will be happily appearing at the grand
opening to waggle their tongues and revel in publicity. Last month, the
band released a double-disc concert DVD featuring one half the original
lineup limping through such classics as Unholy and Lick It Up,
which the KISS Army eagerly consumed.

Stanley’s hip injury proves to be
a pretty serious hindrance to rocking out proper-like, and many fans
felt cheated by the exclusion of Ace and Peter from the rocking. Not
that we would know about these feelings of betrayal. We are
dispassionate observers of the rock and roll milieu, and we really
couldn’t care less about ACE! PAUL! FOR GOD’S SAKE WE NEED YOU!!!

Sob!

Read more:

KISS coffee spot in works for Broadway - Myrtle Beach Online

[story by Justin Smith]