You know the other day when people were all like 'Kirsten Dunst needs help' and Kirsten Dunst's people were all like 'Shut up, Kirsten Dunst is fine'?
Yeah, they're liars. Kirsten Dunst has reportedly checked into rehab in Utah and – best of all – it's been suggested that she was off her face on something or other when she did.
Now, it's too early to know what – if anything – Kirsten Dunst is addicted to so badly that she needs to attend rehab for it, but senior experts have ruled out toothpaste, dental floss, dental braces or anything to do with her whole dental region because, well, look at her.
We can't claim to know Kirsten Dunst, but we know a lot about her. For instance, we know that Kirsten Dunst's performance in Spider-Man 3 was so fist-swallowingly dire that we now physically lash out at anyone who even looks like they're about to make an omelette and dance the Twist at the same time.
We also know, thanks to her relationship with skinny indie tit Johnny Borrell, that Kirsten Dunst couldn't have any worse taste in men if she started dry-humping Slobodan Milosevic's corpse-leg while staring at a poster of Ashley Cole. And finally we know that Kirsten Dunst is, or recently has been, off her chops on booze or drugs.
A week ago we reported that Kirsten Dunst was in terrible shape at the Sundance festival and looked as if she was on the verge of some sort of breakdown. Although her people quickly denied this, it appears that Kirsten Dunst has just checked into the same Utah rehab facility that looked after Eva Mendes during whatever it was that was wrong with her last week.
And, brilliantly, reports are suggesting that Kirsten Dunst was twatted when she checked in. Star reports:
"She desperately needed help," a source in Utah tells Star. "She seemed to be intoxicated when she checked in because she was acting really erratic. She was extremely emotional, constantly breaking down in tears. She not in a good place right now, but thankfully, she's getting the help she needs."
People have long questioned Kirsten Dunst's behaviour, noticing that she liked a drink and that she seemed to assume that Spider-Man would crumble if she ever left, when really it'd be identical except there'd be less bad-toothed ginger girls dancing the Twist and cooking an omelette at the same time.
However, Kirsten Dunst's timing couldn't have been more impeccable. By deciding to get intoxicated, start crying and head to rehab when she did, Kirsten missed all the paparazzi circus because everyone was too busy filming Britney Spears' car from helicopters.
It's a smart move, and no doubt it'll be copied by other celebrities trying to hide their problems. If that's the case, look out for an A-list stampede to Utah when Britney Spears tries to kill herself next. You heard it here first.
Read more: