Get the scissors and surgical spirit ready! Why? Because there is a strong chance you’ll be wanting to cut your ears clean off your perfectly round heads when you find out that Kim Kardashian is about to launch a pop career!
Yes indeed, the wonder that is autotune is going to get a thorough work-out when the celebritante decides that this pop-bollocks looks like a doddle and subjects us all to her wailing voice.
And she’s working with a big name to galvanise her first warbling footsteps.
Like her BFF Paris Hilton, Kim Kardashian seemingly wants to play at being a popstar for a bit, despite the fact she’s already got all the trappings of a successful pop singer anyway. You think she couldn’t get hold of mountains of cocaine, lackeys willing to sex one off on her at the snap of her fingers and people constantly telling her how great she is already?
We’ve already seen her in a sex tape, so at least we don’t have the clawing fear of having to see another one of those in an attempt to promote her album.
So will Kardashian be making a lute album of 15th century murder ballads, teaming up with unheard-of Scottish and English folk singers?
Or will she be making a Stockhausen orchestral piece that turns your colon into jelly because it’s so viciously unlistenable?
Of course not. She’s working with pop-producer and rap-enhancer The-Dream to make her debut album.
The-Dream, if you don’t know, is responsible for hit records by Beyonce, Rihanna and Mariah Carey. However, with the aforementioned artists, the raw material ain’t so bad. Kardashian could be a much tougher turd to polish.
Next year: hecklerspray takes it all back when Kim Kardashian actually releases really great, fun pop album.