Kim Kardashian To Launch A Music Career And Possibly Murder Sound Itself

Get the scissors and surgical spirit ready! Why? Because there is a strong chance you’ll be wanting to cut your ears clean off your perfectly round heads when you find out that Kim Kardashian is about to launch a pop career!

Yes indeed, the wonder that is autotune is going to get a thorough work-out when the celebritante decides that this pop-bollocks looks like a doddle and subjects us all to her wailing voice.

And she’s working with a big name to galvanise her first warbling footsteps.

Like her BFF Paris Hilton, Kim Kardashian seemingly wants to play at being a popstar for a bit, despite the fact she’s already got all the trappings of a successful pop singer anyway. You think she couldn’t get hold of mountains of cocaine, lackeys willing to sex one off on her at the snap of her fingers and people constantly telling her how great she is already?

We’ve already seen her in a sex tape, so at least we don’t have the clawing fear of having to see another one of those in an attempt to promote her album.

So will Kardashian be making a lute album of 15th century murder ballads, teaming up with unheard-of Scottish and English folk singers?

Or will she be making a Stockhausen orchestral piece that turns your colon into jelly because it’s so viciously unlistenable?

Of course not. She’s working with pop-producer and rap-enhancer The-Dream to make her debut album.

The-Dream, if you don’t know, is responsible for hit records by Beyonce, Rihanna and Mariah Carey. However, with the aforementioned artists, the raw material ain’t so bad. Kardashian could be a much tougher turd to polish.

Next year: hecklerspray takes it all back when Kim Kardashian actually releases really great, fun pop album.

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  1. Mithaearon says

    Who the fuck is this bint? I keep seeing her name in news stores but for the life of me cannot figure what the fuck she does? As far as I can tell she isn’t a model or an actress and now because of this story I know she isn’t a singer so what the fuck does she actually do to warrent being in the news all the time?

  2. Bobby says

    Mithaearon, she is a “socialite”. . .

    Anyway, when is somebody going to come about to turn this 10+ year abyss called the music industry on its head? This bulhslit is getting old!

  3. JoeMomma says

    That was my question. As much as I love Hecklerspray, 1/2 the time I have no fracking clue who these clowns are.

  4. Cookie Monster says

    It’ll happen as soon as Napster catches-on. Anyday now…

    The motion picture industry will be next, mark my words.