Kim Kardashian has spent the last couple of years trying to convince the world that she is a serious person, someone who is smart and has more to offer than an ability to take off her clothes and take it up the poop shoot. She even went and had a totally fake ass marriage to the Lurch of the NBA just to prove to everyone that she had grown up.
But then Kim spends the last few days being the high paid escort for some wrinkly balled old guy named Richard Lunger, something that anyone with a speck of dignity would never do. And not surprisingly, it’s all going to shit because Kim is a cold phony bitchy and Lunger is a touchy feely grandpa.
Acting like the Armenian Pamela Anderson, Kim Kardashian decided to make a few extra bucks by being the arm candy for some Austrian guy with too much money named Richard Lunger. Her job duties included hanging out with him all day, going to some restaurants together, and being his date for a ball. Basically, Kim was supposed to be his 2 day long BFF/girlfriend.
Unfortunately, Lunger didn’t realize he hired a plastic self-absorbed dumbass to pretend to like him for 48 hours, and has gotten pissed off that he’s not getting his money’s worth. First, Kim brought along her mom Kris, because that old hag would never pass up an opportunity to get some publicity for herself. Then, Kardashian kept ditching Lunger to shoot scenes for her terrible reality show. Lunger has the kind of tact you expect from a crotchety old rich white dude and quickly bitched to the media about it.
Kim is annoying me, because she’s not sticking to the program. She’s filming and so she doesn’t want to have me around. The guest should be with me and not anywhere else that is not agreed upon.”
Well, what the fuck did this dude expect hiring Kim? Color me shocked that she is acting like a spoiled, cold bitch. It’s not like that is her every day personality or anything.
Thursday night was the Vienna Ball, the whole reason Lunger hires these American trainwrecks. Kim and her pimp showed up late, of course, and then barely acknowledged Richard. Lunger bought a little present for Kim though, and hired someone to bring a little familiarity to her in the form of some black face, a tacky ass white on white tuxedo, and a whole lot of arrogance. That’s right, comedian Chris Stephan came as baby daddy, Kanye West.
Of course, Kim was super offended. Not so much by the racism, as the fact that the suit wasn’t all leather. West would never wear something that looks like it was from last year’s reject pile from Men’s Warehouse. Plus, Lunger was allegedly super touchy feely, and was trying to let his hands wander around the tiny country that is Kim’s massive ass. Then to add to the super un-politicalness of the evening, a reporter asked if Kim would be dancing later to “N***** in Vienna,” a play on West’s song. Damn, people from Vienna are just all sorts of uncouth, huh?
All in all, it sounds like everybody had a pretty terrible time. Lunger paid half a million dollars to have a woman a quarter of his age pretend to enjoy his company (and quite possibly get a little between the sheets time) and ended up getting treated like he was that old guy at the bar at 11 am, stumbling all over himself and asking the young bartender to wet his “willy.” Kim only got half a million and had to attempt to act. Kris left without a decrepit rich old dude to sign over their trust funds to her. And Vienna had to deal with Keeping Up with the Kardashians for 2 whole days. Lose/lose for every one.